It's Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too): A Memoir

by Nora McInerny Purmort
Hennepin County Library hardcover 274 pages
genre: memoir, loss

This will be a quick entry. Purmort is a very talented writer who has dealt with a lot of loss in her young life. Although I enjoyed some of her cleverness, humor, and insights, I didn't enjoy this book. One passage particularly illustrates this to me:

"I will sometimes hate-read blogs written by people I despise, just to make my blood boil. You probably don't hate-read anything because you have a sparkling mind that has not been pecked to death by the incessant information assault that is the Internet." (page 7)

I love her use of language - "the incessant information assault that is the Internet" - but I cannot see her attitude of reading something to make her more angry than she already is. Philosophically, I am so different from her.

Yet I tagged page 14 because it made me laugh out loud when she described the hospital and its amenities . . . She is very clever! And I tagged page 21 because of her sadness at wanting to preserve everything about her husband before he dies . . . "like I want to just stick a little USB drive into his arm and download everything about him. I want every memory, every feeling, every thought from baby Aaron and child Aaron and punky teenage Aaron, who pierced his ears multiple times. Grown-up Aaron hugs me close to his skinny chest until the fire alarm lets us know we've burned our dinner to the pan."

Page 47 - She talks about trying to meditate by using an app - "It's worth it, though, to have a little bit of time dedicated to quieting the dozen or so monkeys in my brain, wearing their fezzes and vests, clanging away with tiny cymbals." Sometimes one's own thoughts can be so distracting!

Page 52 - "His happiness was innate, but mine is not. Mine is a choice that I make, a garden that I tend to every single day." I think it's interesting to observe that some people seem naturally joyful and positive and others of us have to make a conscious choice to work at it. I struggle with her profanity and anger, but recognize parts of me in some of her attitudes.

Page 52 - "shout out to Google for giving me a PhD in Everything" another thing that made me smile. She has a way with words!

Page 149 - I don't know what struck me more here - the fact that she didn't feel as though they could call any of their friends because of the depth of their pain or simple compassion for all that she was dealing with . . . "I'm filled with secret sorrows. Across the city, my father is dying in the intensive care unit of another hospital." Her husband is dying from cancer. She has just miscarried another baby. I cannot even fathom how the convergence of all these major life events. Whether I like or agree with her tone and attitude, I can recognize her strength in getting through this time in her life.

Page 161-163 - Oh my! All the well-meaning advice (often conflicting) that people give about parenting! What a rush to read this and remember how it felt to be on the receiving end of it. (Though I think this part might qualify as funny and sad simultaneously!)

Page 208 - I don't want to dwell on this, but how can she recognize the futility of trying to get people (including internet trolls) to like you . . . while also being concerned about people liking her? She is still growing up. I hope she figures herself out. It makes me sad that she grew up in Catholic church and school, but has no personal faith in God. Getting through her life's traumas and raising her son on her own strength . . . I'd rather lean on Jesus.

(Added almost two days later:)
I didn't mean that to sound trite. I was going to write a quick entry so I could return the book to the library and ended up going on and on. It made me sad to have this funny, talented writer who endured such pain and sorrow . . . have no connection to faithfulness in God. How do people deal with the big life and death issues without confidence in God's love and provision for eternity? Her cavalier attitude toward morals, parenting, etc. (and gratuitous swearing) were off-putting. There were many, many positive aspects to this book, but I was glad to finish it and was left feeling sad for her.