When I Close My Eyes

by Elizabeth Musser
Carver County Library paperback 338 pages
genre: Christian fiction

Not sure I feel like typing up all the pages I put post-its on . . . but I am excited for book club tonight and the chance to talk about this book. A hired assassin shoots Christian author Josephine Bourdillon in the head. But because someone called her name at the moment and she turned, the bullet wounds her gravely instead of killing her instantly. Lying in a coma, she has "flashbacks" of her childhood as her family rushes to her side to sit vigil and encourage her to pull through. The would-be killer is struggling with his own demons and comes to the hospital to finish what he started.

I read the first forty pages and then put it aside. Saturday evening, I finished the entire book! Musser is a wonderful storyteller who brings the threads of the story together as we hear from the different perspectives.

I've always kind of wondered about / struggled with the idea of a born-again Christian having problems with depression. This book helped make sense of it for me. This was a book about depression without being depressing to read. I loved Paige and her edginess. I also loved the observations about her acting a lot like Jesus even though she claimed not to believe in Him. . . .

Page 30-1: "Miss Josy, you listen to me, and you listen good. There's a whole lot of evil in this world. And you got a heart that feels it more than others. But don't you go tryin' to carry it - you give it to the good Lord, you hear me? Can't be carryin' it on your mighty thin shoulders. The Lord, now He's got big shoulders. You tell Him about it, and then you go on out and drink your ginger ale. Ain't up to you to fix the world's problems." Terrence was such a fantastic character! I loved his wisdom!

Page 69-70: "Josephine, I'm no expert on much, but I know one thing. When I start feeling overwhelmed or angry or discouraged, I try to read what God has to say about it in the Bible. And I keep a list of Bible verses that talk about whatever is bothering me. Sometimes I even memorize those verses." Fred O., her youth pastor, showed her how to use a concordance and find Scriptures that helped her with what she most struggled with! Yes! Excellent strategy!

Page 107: "Their weekly meetings were a gift, a great gift, and gradually Marcia helped her understand how to let go of the burdens, helped her redirect her spiraling thoughts, pointed her more fully to Christ, encouraged her to meditate on Scripture, to let God's Word tape over the cruel voices that played like a cassette in her mind. The voices didn't go away completely, but she learned to recognize them sooner, to prepare herself for the mental fight. And she learned that she could not fix her family." Marcia was another person who really helped Josie when she was younger.

Page 138 - her miscarriages . . . so incredibly sad. I can't imagine that pain.

Page 152 - Henry is being changed as he reads Josie's books and opens his heart to the possibility of forgiveness. Talking to Jase, he says, "These hard times are gonna be used for good. Make you stronger, son. Make you better inside and out. They're changin' your heart."

Page 193: "When she spoke to women's groups, Josephine never shied away from the truth - her need for antidepressants to regulate her moods, her need for counseling, her need for complete rest, her need for Scripture and people. She told it all in living color, always ending with, 'God's Word brought me back from the edge of despair . . . from insanity.'" God's Word has power!

Page 240: I love the whole page because Henry is musing on how "Christians" often act instead of how Jesus says they should act - in love. "I wondered how many religious folks nowadays acted like those Pharisees. And then I wondered long and hard how Jesus would feel about them."

Page 308: "Faith and mental instability aren't mutually exclusive." When Drake says this, Paige has to repeat it and think about it. Interesting how a perspective shift can do that.

Page 328-30: When her family reads her letter, it summarizes beautifully her whole journey. This part really struck me: 'Back in 2007, I tried to take my life. Despite having a wonderful, loving family and community and a deep faith in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I had slipped into a terrible spiral of hopelessness. By God's grace, my attempt failed. My road back to mental and physical health came from my support group as well as mental health professionals and medication." She goes on to talk about getting help.

We Never Asked for Wings

by Vanessa Diffenbaugh
Scott County Library audiobook 10 CDs
read by Emma Bering and Robbie Daymond
genre: realistic fiction

I grabbed this book when I saw who the author was. The Language of Flowers absolutely blew me away. I may need to re-read it . . . Because I confess that this book underwhelmed me. This "review" probably has lots of spoilers, so please don't let me ruin your experience with the book! (It isn't a very well-written review anyhow.)

She is an amazing writer, but there were a few things that I really struggled with. First of all, the consequences of the kids' actions was draconian. I find it hard to believe that any school would handle this by immediately turning two kids (with no previous issues) over to the police, and that the police in juvey would treat them so harshly. No lawyers, no parents . . . just doesn't ring true for me. Second of all is the lame ending. It's as though the story just stops. Not at all satisfying.

Here are my random notes from while I was listening:

• geography south of San Fran? I need to look at a map! marshy area by airport?
• feather mosaics . . . I tried googling this, but I got mosaics OF feathers instead of ones made FROM feathers. I'm super curious and must look more!
• I had a hard time deciding if I was more frustrated with Letty being a pathetic non-mom or Maria Elena for enabling her all these years. And Luna was such a brat! What horrible behavior for a six year old! Alex was my favorite character from the get-go. 
• They learned about the Icarus myth in sixth grade? I love it!
• mass spectrometer, feathers/wings, climate change. I loved the nerdy science stuff and the way Alex and Wes clicked.
• Loved the men! Rick, Wed, Alex, Enrique, Mr. Everett (the science teacher) - these guys were fantastic!
• No! I couldn't believe that Alex compounded the wrong he'd already done by throwing Mr. E's keys into the bay. I also couldn't believe that Yesenia told him to do it.
• Carmen's 14 year old self and experience with pregnancy vs. Letty's 18 year old experience . . . such different choices, weaknesses, and strengths in these women!
• lots of remarks on "Juvie lockup" and "really?!" and "a guard hit Alex and left a scrape on his forehead?" and "I don't think so." Letty should have been fighting that system big-time!

As I looked for correct character name spellings online, I was glad to see that at least one other reader on Goodreads agreed with me. This book was just a bit disappointing. However, I also saw an interview with Diffenbaugh where she talks about her experiences with educational inequality and underserved communities. . . There's a lot to unpack in terms of these issues and what's going on in our country.

I love what she did with the birds and feathers. I love the relationship between Enrique and his grandson. I love how Wes and Rick stepped up as great guys. I even loved the mixology lessons. But overall, this was just not as excellent as her first book.

Skink No Surrender

by Carl Hiaasen
Hennepin County Library audiobook 7 CDs
read by Kirby Heyborne
genre: YA realistic fiction

I like Hiaasen's books, but this one may have bugged me more than I enjoyed it . . . I feel as though I'm on a teeter-totter of opinion.

I liked:

• Skink - his personality, his backstory, his attitude. I loved him as a character!
• Nickel, Dime, and Penny for sibling character names
• environmental concerns and the plug for Rachel Carson's Silent Spring (which I've not read and is now on my reading list . . . I've been aware of it for four decades . . . )
• info on the ivory billed woodpecker, the "Lord God bird" . . . enough for me to look it up and learn even more!

Disliked:

• Malley. What an awful brat of a kid. 14 years old and just horrid. Not sure why Richard or her parents care about her so much . . . she didn't seem to have many redeeming qualities
• Richard and Malley together doing so many stupid things. Yes, we all do stupid things. We do proportionally more stupid things when we're teenagers. But still . . . argh! 

Mixed:

• The bad guy TC - his choices and actions . . . believable? Some of it. Listening, I thought about all the "Florida Man" humor on the internet . . . he's like a bad joke.  
• Skink honoring the real Talbot Chalk. Nice touch

Ultimately, I think Flush remains my favorite of his YA books. I was a bit shocked at the difference between Hiaasen's style for teens and for adults. Duh, right? He's a talented writer.

I just had to go back and fix three previous entries where I had labeled the author as "Hiassen" instead of "Hiaasen." Wow. Sometimes I'm efficient and sometimes I'm in too much of a hurry to pay attention.

The Case of the Wandering Scholar

by Kate Saunders
Scott County Library hardcover 360 pages
genre: historical fiction, murder mystery
"A Laetitia Rodd Mystery: A Private Detective of the Utmost Discretion"

This is the second book in what I hope becomes a long series! Set in England in the 1850s, Laetitia is a delightful protagonist. I love seeing how the stories unfold and the pieces of the puzzle connect. This one pulled in more theology than I expected, but also included some of the lovely humor from the first book. I especially like how Laetitia and her more worldly brother interact with one another.

Page 252 - "Mr. Arden makes no distinction between the 'deserving' and the 'undeserving' poor. He says only the Almighty has the right to make such judgements and that the rich have a sacred duty to share their good fortune, because the less fortunate are our brothers and sisters and not another race of beings!"

This rush of an emotional speech was from a young woman in love with Mr. Arden, but I noted it because it can be such a bone of contention . . . helping people but trying to determine if they're worthy of help or if they're just experiencing hardship because of their own mistakes.

In any case, I don't want to leave any spoilers. The body count rose as the story went on, but not to the degree of a good Agatha Christie!

More: How to Move from Activity for God to Intimacy with God

by Greg Hawkins
(foreword by Max Lucado)
Hennepin County Library hardcover 203 pages
genre: non-fiction Christian faith

I loved this book! Chris Moe recommended it to me a few years ago and I just got it from the library recently. This is one I would seriously consider buying. His "kingdom" analogy wasn't a 100% fit for me, but I understood what he meant by it.

Page 38 - The church he worked at did a massive study on Christians and their relationship with Jesus. This breakdown fascinates me . . . and leads me to want More.

Page 76 - This was just timely, though it has little to do with what I liked about the book! I read it shortly after my total knee replacement surgery on 12/10.
"I didn't feel much pain because they had given me a spinal block during surgery that stopped all nerve traffic from my waist down. When it wore off later that day, it was like getting hit by a truck. A very large truck that was not braking at all upon impact."


Page 86 - "We have been so conditioned to think God is 'out there' and we have to work really hard to find Him that we've missed the whole point of why He created us in the first place: He wants to have a deep, personal, intimate relationship with you. Nothing in all of creation can separate you from God." I love this reminder that God is close, not far away. We are the ones who need to pay attention to Him; He doesn't lose track of us.

Page 97 - ". . . I don't just need You when I'm having a difficult time. I don't need You only when I have that job interview or when I'm waiting for the results of my medical test. I don't just need You right now. I want You. I want to be with You always." I love this prayer! It's one I could pray daily.

Page 99 - "So when you notice yourself saying or thinking 'I' or 'me,' make a conscious shift and say or think 'we.' The change may feel awkward at first, but it's a habit that will bring you into a strong awareness of God's presence. By changing your words, you can change your thinking, which will change your attitudes, then your feelings, and finally your experiences." This is so true! It makes me think about The Power of Words book that Lois gave me . . . and makes me think of Norman Vincent Peale's Power of Positive Thinking. God's Word has power. We need to claim His promises.

Page 104 - "Another lie the Enemy uses is that if you become fully intimate with God He will make you do things you hate. This is the lie most of us fall for. God's going to send you to Africa or make you wash the feet of homeless men in an urban shelter. He's going to make you a fanatical street preacher warning that the world is coming to an end. That doesn't make any sense at all, but we imagine that will be our assignment and so we hide out in the Kingdom of Me. What I've learned is that God wants you to serve Him with the unique skills and talents He's given you. If you're a lousy public speaker, He won't call you to be a preacher. Or if He does, He'll not only transform you into a polished speaker but also give you a love for preaching. That's just the way God works." Yes! I love how God can do the impossible! I love how His ways are better than our ways. Submitting my will to His is something I'm working on right now . . .

Page 117 - "Now, reason and intellect are wonderful gifts, but focusing on them exclusively can keep us in our heads and prevent us from engaging our hearts. And yet, this is the shift we must make - from our heads to our hearts - if we want to access a life of more. We don't abandon our intellect, but we augment it with a depth of feeling and experience that happen when we engage our hearts."

Page 126 - "When we studied half a million church attendees to find out what kinds of practices they engaged in, the research was very clear: the number one practice that catalyzes movement toward deeper intimacy with God is reading, studying, reflecting upon, and even memorizing truth from the Bible." Yes! God's Word is better than food!

If I owned a copy of this book, there would be much highlighting and underlining . . . I'm still trying to decide if I buy a copy or not. I definitely need to send Kris a thank you note for the recommendation!