By: Jacqueline A. Bussie
Hennepin County Library hardcover 190 pages plus notes
Published: 2018
Genre: non-fiction Christianity
My daughter-in-law's church was doing a book club / study with this title (as I learned on Christmas Eve from reading the bulletin). I was curious and requested it from the library, knowing I wouldn't make it to NE Minneapolis for any of the discussion component. This was not a book that spoke deeply to my soul, but it did make me think. A lot. About faith and theology and God's will. I put many post-it notes in this book!
Page 24: "Let's just say that after the loss of my mother in my twenties, I became Smokey, but with a major difference. Nothing I did earned me a 'good kitty!' from the people inside my house. Nobody intended me harm, as far as I can tell. Perhaps they were too busy to answer the door, or perhaps, like me when I was younger, they simply didn't understand that that was what I needed."
Her analogy of people praising the cat when it did the right thing, but not her when she needed affirmation . . . made me sad. She tells many personal stories in such a way that both emotion and logic are referenced.
Page 24-25: "Though I still wish things were different, at least I've come to see those early years living with my bio-family as something else: a top-notch training ground for love across difference. A gym for strengthening love's hamstrings to the level where they can leap beyond bloodlines or biology."
It's interesting that she has a perspective of learning from challenges and that she expresses it this way.
Page 39: "Of course, we are a broken people who like to jigsaw apart this wholeness. This is why God insists that we share the bread and wine not once but over and over again."
The idea that we need to continually return to the Lord; to have communion with Him makes a lot of sense. Some people think that baptism or repentance is a "one and done" situation and they can do whatever they want until they die. That's not what God's Word says.
Page 40: "In order to live into the call to radical agape, Christians today need to reimagine and redefine family."
This specific language made me uneasy. It was reminiscent of the "Reimagining" conference in 1993. Radical agape love that Jesus preaches doesn't change based on our modern era.
Page 42: "When your biological family hurts you, remember their hunger. When you're ready, open the door. In a world starved for love, forgiveness is food."
I love that last line! Yes! In a world starved for love, forgiveness IS food.
Page 46: "My grandma, whose name was Alice, wanted all of her grandchildren to have names that started with A. That was the actual answer my mother gave. Alliteration. Alice preferred alliteration to acknowledgment. Alice adored awkwardness and alienation in place of accuracy and attentiveness. This appalling answer failed to satisfy even my nine-year-old self."
Okay, names are important and I completely understood what the author was saying in this section of the book . . . but oh my word! I love how she used alliteration to get her point across in this paragraph. I was supremely entertained by her word choices!
Page 47: "I regret that I never did this. My grandma was dead by the time I was sixteen, and in that short amount of time, I never mustered up the adolescent courage for such an adult confrontation."
The beauty and frustration of maturing is that you can let go of some past hurts. She can intellectually have a conversation with her dead grandma and communicate how hurtful it was to not be called by her name. But she cannot actually have that conversation when it would have been meaningful. Now she has to let go of the regret and move on.
Page 68: "One night, Jim told me that he believed coincidences are not coincidences at all, but God winking at the world."
This made me think of the GodWinks books! Corny books, but there's a lot to be said about God moving and interacting in our lives.
Page 70: "When Americans were asked cold turkey to say what words pop into their head when they hear the word Christian, the top three answers were: (1) judgmental, (2) hypocritical, and (3) antigay."
Oh, this makes me sad! I don't know what survey this was or how scientifically valid this is, but it sounds about right. Too many people today see Christians in such a negative light and it's often because of their interactions with "Christians" who are not living as Christ followers. We are to be people of love, truth, and kindness.
Chapter 5 Adoption (Elijah) - This whole chapter. So much to discuss here!
Page 73: "Let's get one thing straight: if our sins make us people who aren't 'real Christians,' then no one in this world is a Christian. 'For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God' (Romans 3:23)."
I completely agree with her here.
Page 75: "How ironic, then, that Christians have for centuries used Romans 1 to condemn only LGBTQ people to hell and never envious people, braggarts, gossips, or rebellious teens. Maybe it's because gay people are an easy target, a cheap shot. Most Christians are straight, but all Christians envy, brag, gossip, and rebel."
This is also something I've struggled with. Sin is sin. Greed, gossip, etc. are sin. Why don't we rail against those sins the way many Christians are actively concerned about homosexuality? I honestly don't understand this.
Page 77: "I don't deny it. I don't take all of the Bible literally, nor do I follow all of its 600+ commandments. I am a self-confessed selective literalist. There's no pride in this statement, just honesty."
This again concerns me. I know that many people "cherry pick" their favorite Scriptures, but it feels as though she's actively selecting what to believe and then twisting some of that. I do not literally follow all of the "commandments" in the Old Testament. I don't cover my hair in church. I do speak out in church. But I feel as though she is pushing her perceptions onto God's Word. I'm not wise enough to give a strong rebuttal, but I'd love to discuss this with another Christian.
Chapter 6 Stop the Single Story (Khadijah, Rasheed, and Jamila) - Another great chapter (and the other one that her initial publisher rejected. Note to self: watch the TED talk "The Danger of the Single Story" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
Page 95: "Can those who claim to be followers of Jesus seriously prefer that folks of other religions have no relationship with him, unless it is on our terms? I can't in good conscience prefer this. I want everyone to know Jesus because he is wondrous and his love takes my breath away."
It was interesting to read her perspective on friendships with people of other faiths.
Page 105: "But on the third morning, as I lay awake at 5:00 a.m. listening to the adhan, my spirit awakened to a humbling realization. My Muslim brothers and sisters prioritized remembering God over everything, even sleep. Would I be willing to do the same? Suddenly, I felt not irritation but admiration. I structure my prayers around my life, while my Muslim friends do the exact opposite. They structure their entire lives around prayer."
How striking to realized that as an American Christian, I am like her - tired and crabby in the morning and praying when it works for me rather than prioritizing it for God.
Page 112: "'Comparison is the thief of joy,' she'd said, quoting Teddy Roosevelt."
I love Teddy Roosevelt and I love this quote! Comparing yourself against others is generally unproductive and discouraging.
Page 116: "All I can conclude for now is that nothing as petty and silly as the weather should hold us back from going where we are needed most. When God calls us, we need to go. I mean, imagine if when God invited Abraham and Sarah to the promised land, they'd RSVP'ed, 'Nahhh, God, we're not really into the whole desert thing. . . . '"
My favorite line is "when God calls, we need to go." Yes and amen!
Page 122: "The truth is: a positive attitude may annoy and cloy, but it also rubs off. Positivity is like patchouli. It clings to your clothes all day long, whether you want it to or not. You - and everyone around you - can't help but breathe it in."
Again, I really like her language choices here and the analogy of patchouli to positivity. Though to be honest, I really dislike the smell of patchouli! I've been thinking about the phrase "toxic positivity" lately. I don't want my positive attitude to be off-putting to people. I want to be prayerfully sensitive to where others are at emotionally and mentally (and spiritually!).
Page 125: "Take, for example, these essential paradoxes, without which our faith freezes. We are all saints and sinners, simultaneously (Martin Luther). We are God's enemies, as well as God's BFFs (Romans 5:10). Jesus is both human and divine. The kingdom of God is both already and not yet. The world is both wrecked and redeemed. People are both beautiful and broken, cruel and compassionate. Life is both hellish and hopeful, sublime and shitty. Our souls are filled with angels and angst, wonder and worry. God loves both the poor and the rich, the Christian and the Muslim, the Democrat and the Republican, the gay and the straight, the member of the NRA and the member of Greenpeace."
Some people reject Christianity because of these paradoxes. I love that she embraces them. I think sometimes we need this reminder.
Chapter 7 Can Anything Good Come Out of Nazareth? (Fargo)
Fargo Lessons
1 - Comparison is the root of unhappiness. Love yourself enough to stop already.
2 - Home is where love (not the weather) keeps you warm.
3 - Something good can come out of Nazareth.
4 - Survivors love the small things.
5 - Life is Both / And, Not Either / Or
She shares some really heartfelt stories about her journey of faith.
Page 144: "20 Things I've Learned About Self-Love" "Self-love is a reflection of your face in the ocean of God's love for you. . . . "
I want to get this blog entry done, but her entire chapter on self-love seems to be intended to counterbalance the idea that selflessness (my word for this year) can be destructive to people who already think little of themselves. I understand what she's saying, but I love the lesson I learned elsewhere. "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less." People who don't know the immense love that God has for them NEED to learn that before they can truly die to self and live for Christ.
Page 157: "Church should be less like a palace and more like a dog park: a place where the truth bounds wildly about, off the leash at last."
This made me smile! I love dog parks!
Page 159: "Does Jesus misjudge the woman? Does Jesus change his mind? It sure seems like it. In this story, I believe Jesus models for us the moral courage it takes to admit when we've been suckered into buying a stereotype."
Matthew 15:24-28
This is one of those places where I think she's on dangerous ground. It sounds as though she's coming up with a completely different interpretation of this passage; one where Jesus messed up and admits his mistake. I couldn't possibly disagree more. She's putting her own twist on Jesus' words and intentions.
Page 163: "Blue Christmas - yes, it's actually a thing! - is a special service at Christmastime for those who are mourning the loss of a loved one. It acknowledges the sadness, fear, and longing that surrounds the holiday for many people."
I love when I learn something new. I'd never heard of this before.
Page 177: "That memory whispers in my ear: Sometimes Love picks the lock to your heart and takes over the space Fear used to rent. Please, please, please don't evict her."
Once again, I love her language choices! Don't evict love from your heart.
Page 177: "Only Jesus is a savior; we are merely wannabe Samaritans. As Shane Claiborne once said while speaking on my campus, 'I'm not Jesus; I'm just he ass he rode in on.'"
This caught my attention. I'm most definitely NOT Jesus. But I do want to emulate Him and live to glorify Him.
Page 182: "One day during my prayers, a revelation struck me: the reason God made love a commandment and not a fun intramural option like flag football was because of the Darren Rodeos in our lives. If love for people-who-make-our-lives-less-than-wonderful was a choice, well, God knew, no one would ever sign up. Love's not extracurricular; it's the curriculum."
Darren Rodeo is a student who vexed her. I also love the idea that love is THE curriculum for life.
Page 183: "I don't know if prayers change the world, but I do know they change the person who says them. I know, because that day in the hallway, my heart nearly broke out of love for Darren Rodeo."
Yes! Prayer changes your own heart AND God loves when we pour out our praise, thanksgiving, petitions, etc. to Him! I love learning how prayer has changed situations and people's lives!
I'm glad I read this book even though I didn't love it. I like to push myself in thought and prayer. Ultimately, The Bible is the place to go for answers. I'm glad that God provided us with directions for life!
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