How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated for the Next Generation of Leaders

by Dale Carnegie

Libby audiobook 8 hours

Read by: Robert Petkoff

Genre: Non-fiction, self-help (of a sort)

 

I was curious about this book because it's one I've heard of for over four decades. I finally requested it and after a long waiting period, got it to listen to. There are times I found it interesting and relevant. And then there are times I thought it hasn't been updated nearly enough! Some of the later portions are definitely in an older mindset of workers should always give their best for their workplace . . . and quite frankly, I don't think that all employers deserve their employees' "all" just to increase their own profits. Some of the advice seems to be more about common sense and common courtesy. I like how there are little stories and illustrations for all the points.

Here are the main points I jotted down:

Part One - 

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two - 

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Part Three - How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong."

3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4. Begin in a friendly way.

5. Get the other person saying "Yes yes" immediately.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8. Try earnestly to see things from the other's POV.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

10. Appeal to the nobler motives.

11. Dramatize your ideas.

12. Throw down a challenge.

 

Part Four - Be a Leader

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others.

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5. Let the other person save face.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

 

My favorite part was when he talked about how dogs give unconditional love and attention. I jotted "be like a dog!" :-) 

Being a good listener is the advice I most need to improve upon.

I found a scrap of paper with notes about some quotations I'd like to save here.

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln

"Actions seem to follow feeling, but really actions and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there." - William James

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." (from Hamlet) - William Shakespeare