by Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt
Hennepin County Library hardcover 202 pages
Genre: non-fiction personal stories
Published: 2020
I don't know where I first heard about this book, but it took me a while on the library waiting list to get hold of it. She interviewed some people with harrowing personal stories, including Elizabeth Smart, Mark Kelly (Gabby Gifford's husband), and Sue Klebold (whose son Dylan was one of the murder-suicide teens at Columbine). Each story was followed by an observation by Pratt. I confess that I appreciated the individuals' stories and perspectives on forgiveness more than the author's observations, but altogether this is a wonderful little book on the theme of forgiveness.
On page 84, Lewis Howes (a football player I'd never heard of) said, "If you hold on to a grudge for one person or one incident in your life, but you forgive other things, I don't think you've truly forgiven. You're either all in on forgiveness or you're holding on to a grudge."
I thought that was interesting. I don't generally hold on to grudges, but I know there are things that "bug" me, that I haven't let go of yet . . . and I don't know why. Forgiveness is healthier and more Christ-like than the pettiness of holding on to little things.
Page 87-97 covered Scarlett Lewis. She is the mom of one of the children killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this. Her little boy, Jesse, died at school that day. But she had another son, J.T., who was watching her and her grief. He lost his little brother. This whole story just blew me away. What a difficult thing, to forgive such a horrible situation. She worked through her anger and ended up feeling empathy for Adam Lanza. This story was one of the three that impacted me the most.
Page 112 - Mark Rozzi told about the sexual abuse he experienced at the hands of the new parish priest and how it impacted his marriage, parenting, self-concept, and more. This was devastating. Friends of his committed suicide because of the abuse. Anger at the church and at God Almighty were pretty logical results. "I was hating God and hating religion and hating everything about the Church." His story was hard to read. I loved Schwarzenegger's comments on this one, because she was horrified, too, and she is a devoted Catholic. I loved that his sister gave him the book The Shack and that it was transformative for him. When we discussed that book in book club, one person was really upset that it portrayed God as a woman. But literature can be powerful and different text impacts different people in different ways.
Page 142 - Talinda Bennington was the spouse of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. Of the three proper nouns in that sentence, the only one I knew was the name of the band. Even though I wasn't familiar with the story, this was the third most powerful to me in the book. She struggled to forgive *herself* for not being more aware of his mental status before he committed suicide. Sometimes it truly is hardest to forgive oneself. She wrote of forgiving him for taking his own life: "And I can't help but forgive him, because he truly loved us. He truly loved me. He was such a great dad. He was just not well, and he was so good at hiding it that it makes me almost have even more compassion for him, because that's a lot of work. It's a lot of work to feel that bad and to not let anybody know." That made me think about people who seem fine, but are struggling in their soul . . . "Over the years she spent with her husband, she'd become familiar with the signs of addiction, but the signs of depression were much harder to recognize." This also struck me - as someone who wants to help people and be available, I'm not super observant.
This book was a worthwhile read, but I agree with the author that reading one or two stories at a time is a good way to process it.
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