The Let Them Theory

By: Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins

Scott County Library hardcover 299 pages plus extra stuff

Published: 2024

Genre: non-fiction, self-help / advice

This gal is on fire! I waited to get the book and couldn't renew it because there's a long list behind me. As I put lots of post-it notes in here, I thought, "Perhaps I should just buy a copy." But I prefer not to add to my possessions, so here we go!

A friend had originally recommended Mel Robbins and her books to me specifically for one of my sisters. I have now read parts of High Five and The 5 Second Rule and all of this book (though it was due back four days ago and I need to be done). Robbins and her co-author daughter have a lot of sound advice that's applicable to pretty much every person. She is really clear in saying that her advice is for adults and one needs to apply the ideas differently in parenting children.

Page 1: If you've ever been in this situation, you understand how monumental even the simplest tasks seem: getting out of bed, opening your bills, being fully present with your family, cooking a nice meal, applying for a job, going for a walk, canceling that subscription, or even just being honest about the extent to which you're struggling . . . . 

This hit me because I don't deal with these situations. Except for when I had the exhaustion related to a newborn baby, I generally have a "get 'r done!" mentality. I need to have compassion for others who are so defeated that the smallest of things (to me) seem monumental to them. 

Page 3: . . . Wait a minute, I can feel horrible and still do what I need to do? Yes, Mel, you can. And it worked.

She's referencing the five second rule, which I had read about already in that book. But her story is powerful. It makes a lot of sense to share what changed her life. The countdown of 5-4-3-2-1 and just going. Doing the thing. That was a powerful revelation.

Page 5: When I had been drowning in my problems, I felt like I was the only one who had trouble doing the things I needed to do. It's not true. We all struggle with motivation. It's a universal problem . . . 

Feeling isolated and realizing that you're not alone. People can be so funny about trying to be enough on their own.

Page 7: Learning how to push yourself to take action when you are afraid or full of self-doubt or overwhelmed with excuses is a life skill you can learn. Once you master it, you'll understand that you can achieve anything through small, consistent moves forward.

I love this! Small, consistent things are possible for anyone. Sometimes I psych myself out of doing something because it seems too big to handle. Small, consistent changes and forward progress make a difference. I'm realizing as I start this blogging that I have done pages 1,3,5, and 7 so far. Although I have a lot of post-its in this book, they're not every odd numbered page the whole way!

Page 12: The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people.

Such a simple truth, but this book hammers over and over that YOU can only control your own reactions. When you get upset with other people, you "let them" do, say, think what they want. Then you "let me" choose how to respond. It saves a lot of anguish and stress if you adopt this mentality.

Page 18: The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.

Yes. It isn't worth getting worked up over other people's choices. Adults make their own choices and have to live with the consequences.

Page 20: As I stood there in the kitchen, I allowed this fact to wash over me: time was passing, and I wished it would slow down. That's the cruel fact about time. It's going to keep passing, whether you slow down or not. The time that you have with the people that you love is like a melting ice cube.

 

Yes! Time is time, but this life is short and precious. The older I get, the more I appreciate that. Yet, I still spend way too much of life watching YouTube videos and dealing with my long to-do lists . . . 

 

Page  24 holds the scene where Mel's youngest is heading to prom and he's unconcerned about the rain, the lack of a dinner reservation, etc. She is stressing out big time and her older daughter finally yells, "LET. THEM." This is her epiphany. If the teens get soaking wet, eat in a crowded taco place, etc. Just let them. It's their prom. In the ensuing pages, there are dozens of photos of people's "let them" tattoos. I'm not a fan of tattoos, but I understand how those words can help people to realize that they only control their own thoughts, words, actions, and reactions. My next post-it was reiterating that we can't control other people. (Repetition is the key to mastery.)

Page 110: When you say Let Them, you give other people the space to feel their emotions without needing to fix them. When you say Let Me, you do what's right for you, even if it upsets someone, which is how you take responsibility for your own life.

 

She is saying fairly simple, straightforward things, but I could constantly picture people and situations in my own life that paint the examples she shares. In the family I was raised in, we were constantly reacting so that we didn't upset someone else. Ultimately, we ended up in knots trying to control other people's feelings!

 

Page  111: Emotional maturity isn't something you're born with or that just happens. It's a skill that takes time, practice, and a desire to learn.

This is spot on. Some people never seem to grow up in this. My dad was very emotionally immature. In his 80s, he was still pouting and using emotional manipulation. It was pretty sad.

Page 117: I decided to just put the whole page here. Good stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Page 118: And yes, I still get frustrated when I slip up. But that's the point: It's not about being perfect; it's about being kind to yourself and continuing to grow.

I love this! It's under the subheading, "But What If You're the Problem?" The idea of progress, not perfection is very helpful to me.

Page 124: It's not your job to protect everybody else from feeling emotions. Your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned with your values, and what you know deep down is true for you.

Live your values. Don't feel that you need to be responsible for others' feelings. For me, I'll add strive to be a Christ follower and emulate His example.

Page 137: Psychologists will tell you that the root cause of many disorders is an obsessive need for control. . . . anytime that you try to control something that you can't, it just makes you feel more out of control and powerless.

I used to be quite the control freak. Every once in a while, Louie accuses me of trying to control things I can't and I get frustrated with him. I need to stop and ponder. Am I having a "my way or the highway moment" or just expressing my opinion on how things could go? As long as my opinions don't turn in to the expectation that others do what I want!

Page 145: "You just have to be what most people aren't: consistent, determined, and willing to work for it."

This is a Tom Brady quote, but she references other people and situations to make the point that if you want to see change, you need to "do the reps." One can't get a muscled physique quickly and without effort; lots of things in life are like that. Be consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.

Page 170: It's easier to blame someone else, and sit in your anger, than it is to take responsibility for yourself.

Ooh . . . this made me think of some people. I need to be careful about offering help to certain people. If they don't like how things turn out, I become the bad guy. No thanks.

Page 181: The warmth you offer others always finds its way back to you.

I like this! With all the negative things in our world, country, media, etc., I love to focus on kindness and being a blessing. This also makes me think of Lou saying, "The more smiles I give away, the more I get back!"

Page 182-3: She's talking about making friends as an adult. This is not something I struggle with, but I like her advice!

1. Compliment people everywhere you go.

2. Be curious.

3. Smile and say hello to anyone and everyone you pass or meet.

4. Do this without expectation.

This really goes back to her earlier advice about offering warmth. I'd much rather focus on being kind than on myself.

Page 191: The reality is, people only change when they feel like changing. It doesn't matter how much you want someone to change. It doesn't matter how valid your reasons are. Or that you are right in your opinion that they should change. Or how big the consequences are if they don't change. If someone doesn't feel like changing, they won't.

 

Again, she really hammers home some messages but I think we forget. We want something for a person and we see how much it could improve their life, but we need to remember that change needs to be personally motivated and driven.

Page 195: The fact is, change is hard for everyone, including you. No one wants to feel pressure from you, because they are already feeling it from themselves.

 

Good point. There are some things I want to change (like going to bed in a timely fashion and not getting sleep-deprived, being a better listener,  . . . ) but it's hard to change habits.

Page 196: Change is never a cakewalk. If it were fun and easy, the person you love would already be doing it.

 

This made me smile. Duh. If change were easy, it could happen quickly.

Page 211: The best way to do this is to come prepared to listen to the other person wholeheartedly without interrupting them.

She's talking about the ABC Loop (Apologize and Ask open-ended questions, Back off and observe their Behavior, Celebrate progress while you continue to model the Change.)  I'm too quick to talk, to chime in with my ideas, and really slow to truly listen to what others have to say.

Page 226: As much as you may love someone and believe in them and would do anything in the world to make their pain go away, you cannot want someone else's sobriety, healing, or health more than they do.

So true! It's hard to let go when you care deeply about them, though.

Page 228: The Let Them Theory teaches you that helping others doesn't mean solving their problems for them - it means giving them the space, support, and tools to do it themselves.

 

Giving someone space, support, and tools instead of jumping in to "save the day" - radical.

Page 229: You can't want somebody's sobriety or their healing or their financial freedom or their ambition or their happiness more than they do.

 

Again, repetition helps get the message across. You can't fix things for other people; they have to decide they want it.

Page 235: Look at people's struggles as an opportunity to support them in discovering their strengths.

 

This was an interesting take. Trust people enough to encourage them and build them up as they work toward solving their problems.

Page 244: You can create an environment for positive change by offering therapy, cooking healthy meals, or having conversations, and focusing on open-ended questions.

 

I like that she offers specific suggestions other than giving people money in helping them out.

Now I Am Known: How a Street Kid Turned Foster Dad Found Acceptance and True Worth

By:  Peter Mutabazi, with Mark Tabb

Libby ebook 14 chapters plus acknowledgements, notes, and about the author

Published: 2022

Genre: non-fiction, Christian autobiography

This book was amazing! What an incredible story Peter has to tell about his childhood in Uganda, his abusive father, his life as a homeless runaway, and an encounter that changed his life. I loved this book! It's due to autoreturn in five hours and I have a lot of notes in it, so I'll get to it. (Reading through these may give you the feeling you don't need to read the book, but please do! It's incredible.)

Chapter 1: I no longer see myself as useless, worthless, or a burden; although, I do require the occasional reminder. Many of us do.

This was so sad and wise. Having been both verbally and physically abused by his father for the first ten years of his life, then living as a homeless and invisible street kid for another five years, he definitely had a lot of baggage to overcome!

Chapter 1: Before you can be known by others, you have to leave places, patterns, and ideas that lie about and devalue who you are. My hope is that you will find the power within yourself to take that first, brave step.

What a wise man Peter grew up to be! I know his primary audience is kids and adults who have experienced trauma, but he writes in such an accessible way that I think his ideas are applicable to anyone.

Chapter 2: ...she gave me my name when I turned two, because in Uganda you waited to give a child their full name until you were sure they were going to survive.

That is so completely different from the perspective we have in the west. We are so spoiled and blessed and we typically don't even realize or appreciate it!

Chapter 2: We must choose to see others as people doing their best rather than judge them at their worst. Life is hard. We all need to give ourselves, and those around us, a little grace.

 

Wonderful wisdom. It's so easy to be critical and judgmental . . . and so defeating.

 

Chapter 3: Something inside me craved to be known more than anything in this world.

 

I know some introverts would say they prefer to be invisible and NOT noticed, but I think young Peter's desire for recognition and significance is more common. This scene is when he went to his Aunt Maria's house, but later it was a similar situation when he finally left the streets for good.

 

Chapter 4: People who live in trauma do this all the time. We do or say what people want in the hope that they might give us what we need.

I think of students who are super compliant, nod when asked if they understand, etc. . . . only to realize that they were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of the actual truth. Frustrating from my end, but helpful to think about coping mechanisms, especially for kids dealing with trauma.

Chapter 4: Rather than judge me for what he saw, he chose to believe that there was something in me that could be nurtured into a better life.

 

I'm so glad that James asked Peter his name and followed up with telling him he had potential! And then later asking him if he wanted to go to school. What a transformative relationship!

Chapter 4: When life beats people down for too long, they lose hope. They cannot see a way out of their circumstances. They cannot see their own value.

Hopelessness is a painful place to be. I love that James was able to offer Peter a different way of seeing his life and his future.

Chapter 5: I had no idea why they did anything for me, but I wouldn't be here today if they hadn't taken me in gently and with consistency. The greatest gift the school administration, staff, and other students gave me was the gift of patience.

It's wild to think that he didn't even go in to classrooms initially, sitting outside and listening. He was like a wild animal, always ready to eat and to fight. I'm glad he didn't get kicked out of school!

Chapter 5: The truth is trauma's impact lasts much longer than the trauma itself. It shapes you and impacts how you see and interact with the world. Simply removing someone from their source of trauma does not heal the mind, soul, or spirit. In spite of what some believe, love alone does not conquer all.

This is powerful to think about - trauma's impact lasting longer than the trauma itself. I think for those of us who haven't had to recover from trauma, it's easy to think "get over it." Easier said than done!

 

Chapter 5: Grace is hard to give, especially when we think a person has already been given everything they need to succeed.

 

Like he wrote in the previous excerpt, removing someone from trauma and giving them food, clothing, etc., is not a magic formula for success. Change is difficult for all of us! Healing from trauma and changing learned behaviors is no piece of cake.

 

Chapter 5:  Life beats up people. When that abuse comes early on, the impact lasts a lifetime. I see this in every foster child who enters my home. They do not know how to receive kindness and lash out instead. 

 

He writes so eloquently about the kids he took into his home, relating to their emotions and state of mind. What an incredible man!

Chapter 6: I started studying, not to become a better student, but to hear words of affirmations from my teachers. I cannot say I craved positive attention as much as I desired food, but it was a close second.

My heart breaks for this teenager who was so horribly beaten down by his father and early life experiences that hearing a positive word from a teacher became a huge motivator.

Chapter 6: When we let our past define us, we shrink back because we feel like we do not fit in or we somehow are not good enough when we have the chance to move forward.

To think that Peter wondered why other kids would even ask him to play soccer with them instead of just jumping up and joining in the fun . . . it's really sad when kids can't just be kids.

Chapter 7: My doubts and fears were completely self-inflicted, but that didn't make them any less real for me. I believed the world operated on a system in which everything came at a price.

He has seriously had some good counseling and changes in his thinking over the years to be this self-aware! Little kids shouldn't have to grow up looking for the angles and what the cost will be to their person if they accept a kindness.

Chapter 7: All through my life, I have struggled in relationships because I have always felt that love is something I must work to receive. If I have to earn love, I can never relax and enjoy it.

I think it's interesting that he is able to foster and love kids with this perspective. He seems to be a very loving person . . . 

Chapter 7: My entire life hinges on receiving undeserved kindness, and I want to give what I thought I could never deserve: love without strings. How could I not do the same for children who share a similar experience with me?

As he gets into telling about fostering kids, I love how his heart goes out to them and he offers that unconditional kindness that he so admired in James and family.

Chapter 8: When you have nothing, even a little looks like great wealth.

I think most Americans have an incredibly skewed vision of wealth. If you are comparing yourself to Jeff Bezos, of course you think you're "poor." But if you look at the fact that one-fourth of all humans on the planet don't even have access to drinkable water . . . and 99+% of Americans have a place to sleep each night . . . you realize that we are all pretty darn wealthy.

Chapter 8: James's acts of kindness opened up a new world to me, one that I passed on to my siblings and to my children. The small things that James modeled broke the cycle of what I had known. . . . Everyone deserves to be seen, heard, and known, and when they are, not only their future can change but the world can change as well.

I love that James made a dramatic life-changing difference for Peter and now Peter is impacting even more kids positively! Small acts of kindness . . . recognizing another's humanity. Beautiful!

Chapter 9: All around me I saw the evidence of how when hate fills the heart, anything is possible. There are no limits to the evil human beings can unleash upon one another. I had read about things like the Holocaust in school, but reading about it in a book does not compare to seeing it played out in from of you.

It's wild to me that after his schooling, he went to work helping with aid relief and translating in Rwanda and other places even more war-torn than Uganda. What awful things he witnessed! It's also interesting that he makes the connection between the hatefulness he is seeing and what he harbors in his heart toward his own father.

Chapter 9: I kept my mouth shut except to tell them how sorry I was. People who have lived through trauma desperately need someone who cares enough to listen to their stories, just as James and many of my teachers at Katweha did for me. Hurting people need to be heard. They need to know they are not alone.

Listening. It can be powerful. I'm such a talker; I need to learn to listen more.

Chapter 10: By God's grace, anger and hatred toward my father no longer consumed me.

He has a powerful testimony! I'm so glad that Peter allowed God to change his heart and his perspective.

Chapter 10: Day-to-day life gave me plenty of exercise. 

This part made me laugh! His friend Julia invited him to run for fun and for exercise. His initial response was, "If I run, that usually means I'm trying to get away from a wild dog or something that might hurt me." I feel the same way - run for fun? Nah.

Chapter 11: "These people who have so little have to trust God for everything. Their lives are so hard, and yet they still love God. I don't know that I have ever walked by faith like these people do every day. I came here to change their lives, but instead, they have changed mine."

As Peter is taking teams to refugee camps, he's rewarded by people having "aha" moments like this. How rewarding to see the transformation in these people's hearts, heads, and lives. It's on one of these trips that he meets Steven, who invites him to come and study in London.

Chapter 12: People today ask me how I got to where I am now. I look back on this crazy journey, and after all the years of reflection and wrestling, I have only one answer: God.

Glory to God! It's amazing how much has happened in this one person's life.

Chapter 12: "I come from a world of poverty and death, a world filled with people who God loves just as much as he loves Americans. Sometimes it is hard to grasp the vastness of God's love. And it is also hard for us here, in this American academic setting, to remember that simple principles about God's nature and his desire for humanity to live in peace are the questions the rest of the world wants answers for. I hope we never lose sight of that. I came here to understand God's mercy and his grace, his love and his forgiveness. That's what I hope to take back to my country after my time here, and I hope that's what you will inspire your students to strive for."

He was asked to give a speech and he delivered!

Chapter 12: I met children on the streets amid the destruction caused by earthquakes and hurricanes in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, who were far worse off than I had ever been. Those trips changed the way I looked at my past. I thought my life was bad, but compared to the worst of the worst, I was blessed.

His perspective is amazing to me. He truly suffered as a child - hunger, beatings, verbal abuse . . . and he can see that he was well-off compared to other children.

Chapter 12: And that's what made this my dream job. By connecting the haves with the have-nots, I had the privilege of seeing real transformation take place in the lives of both. I could not thing of a better way to invest my time here on earth.

I love that! True fulfillment from doing something significant. And I love that he moves on to another level entirely.

Chapter 13: "There are more churches in America than there are kids in foster care, so the math seems pretty simple on how to solve the problem. Unfortunately, fixing this isn't that easy. That's why my wife and I became foster parents. We had to do something. How could I ask my church members to sponsor vulnerable children in Africa and then ignore those who are right in our own backyard?"

Peter's conversation with Jason Johnson, a young pastor on one of Peter's trips opens Peter's eyes to something he had never considered before. This conversation led to Peter becoming a single foster dad!

Chapter 13: Yet here was a man with a heart for vulnerable and abandoned children who not only talked about doing something but also went beyond sponsoring a child. This child who had no blood connection to him was now his daughter, and not just in name only. He was crazy about this once-abandoned baby girl with the deepest love any father ever had for his child.

Wow. I have so much respect for people who open their homes and their hearts to children who have been abandoned, neglected, abused, . . . I think we're a bit old to start this ourselves, but I definitely love to find ways to help and support others who step up.

Chapter 13: I think if people had to go through the same process to have biological children, the population might drop. 

Peter has had to go through interviews, a home study, classes, etc. in order to be considered as a foster parent. I love his observation about requiring the same for biological families!

Chapter 13: Becoming my father was and still is my greatest fear.

This is so heartbreaking. He almost didn't become a foster dad because of this fear. No little boy (or girl) should grow up dreading and despising a parent. But I'm glad that people like Peter can overcome!

Chapter 13: While we are all shaped by our past, none of us are chained to it. None of us are predestined to repeat the mistakes of the generations that came before. We all have a choice about the type of person we will be.

This is so true! Sometimes people wallow in the past and what was done to them and never try to make changes in their life to move forward! We all have choices . . . 

Chapter 13: The social worker came over and handed my his paperwork along with a black trash bag filled with his belongings. Sadly, black trash bags are the universal standard luggage for foster children.

This is so sad to me! This isn't the first time I've heard or seen this. I cannot imagine all my worldly possessions being stuck in a black trash bag. How demoralizing.

Chapter 14: I was proud of the fact that I had proved every one of my father's words false, and yet, the power of those words still came back when I least expected it and haunted me. His words have stuck with me for a lifetime.

His dad regularly told little Peter that he was worthless, garbage, would never amount to anything, etc. How awful for any human to receive these messages, but especially a little boy from his father.

Chapter 14: "Peter," he said, you are special, especially to us." No one had ever called me special before. The moment had such an impact on me that when we returned to his home, I went into my room and wrote the word special in a notebook."

I'm so thankful for James! His kindness and positive words helped Peter to start to see himself differently.

Chapter 14: Every single day I make sure my children hear me say to them these words I hope they never forget:

    You matter.

    You belong.

    You are loved.

    You are seen.

    You are chosen.

     You are a gift.

    You are not alone.

    You are enough.

    You are heard.

    You are brave.

    You are special.

    You are known.

These affirmations are powerful! I love this so much. I'm glad he chose to foster and adopt.

Chapter 14: Every child needs to know they are loved and that they belong.

True. The messages our children hear repeatedly are the ones they will internalize. It's important that we choose our messages carefully.

Chapter 14: Everyone can do something. 

It's too easy to be apathetic or to look at the large scale of need and just shrug. "What can I do?" is a good starting place. Maybe I won't be the one to foster or adopt, but perhaps there are other ways I can support these kids.

Chapter 14: James saw my potential and offered me a new path. The combination of bravery and love can make all the difference in the world. It did for me. There is a world filled with children waiting for you to make a choice. Their lives will never be the same.

Choose to be brave. Choose to love.

This book had so many highlights in it that I'm seriously thinking I should just buy a print copy and share it with others!

The Light on Horn Island

By: Valerie Fraser Luesse

Hennepin County Library paperback 286 pages plus extras

Published: 2025

Genre: Christian historical fiction

We're discussing this tonight, so I'm glad I finished it! It was enjoyable, but not one I adored. Protagonist Edie Gardner has returned to Bayou du Chêne, Mississippi, from NYC to spend time with her grandmother Adele "Punk" Cheramie. Punk's friends Coco, Cookie, and Sugar (really) become part of Edie's circle as she recovers from the shock and pain of losing her best friend Leni (to some unspecified awful sickness).

Set in 2002, Hurricane Camille (1969) and the allure of the coast and the ocean showcase the beauty and power of their environment. Horn Island seems to hold a mystical quality for these women.

For a book I didn't fall in love with, I sure have a lot of post-it notes sticking out! I may cull some as I type . . . 

Page 47: Honestly, Punk and her friends were more fun than most women my age. I think at a certain point - and the Ten Spots had reached it - women throw decorum to the four winds and do exactly as they please. They aren't the least bit self-conscious about anything.''

I love that about getting older! It's nice to be less self-conscious!

 

Page 50-1: The official state line between Mississippi and Louisiana extends into the gulf. You can see it on maps, but I have no idea how watermen keep up with which side they're on. . . . Sometimes I feel like I'm navigating invisible lines myself, like the one between how things were and how they are now, the line between Leni up there and me down here.

 

 This made me think of our trip to Gunflint Lake at the end of August! Canada is right across the lake . . . but I didn't have my passport and stayed on what I thought was the US side. That invisible line (on a map and in life) is a wonderful analogy.

When Edie asked the mysterious Jason about the Hebrew words written in the sand, he replied, "Help one, save one, lead one home." (Page 54) I had to mark this because it was referenced again later and I didn't hold it in my brain.

The Mudpie - "Punk's signature dessert" - sounds yummy. I may try making it. "Two layers, one of chocolate pudding, the other a blend of cream cheese and Cool Whip, were spread over a nutty, buttery crust. Punk topped the whole thing with more Cool Whip, chopped pecans, and chocolate curls."

A lot of the food in this book sounded amazing! Some of it didn't appeal to me, but I love how the author described the love of these women for one another and for the delicacies they enjoyed.

Page 64: "She was the only friend I ever had who could make sense of all my pieces. She was always in my corner, one hundred percent, but wouldn't hesitate to tell me when I'd gone off the rails."

Edie is telling her mom's best friend Charlotte - aka "Charly" - about why she misses Leni so much. It's good to have a dear friend who truly understands and accepts you but who also helps you stay on track! I have both Jenifer and Louie. I am blessed!

Page 77: I could have predicted that Cole was about to reach for the saltshaker. He never saw a French fry he didn't want to drown in Morton's. He was doing it right now.

Yes! I feel the same way, Cole. French fries need a healthy dose of salt to truly taste good. I laughed when I read this line and then read it aloud to Louie. He claimed I'd salt my ketchup and dip the fries in that . . .

Page 88: "Say you want to spend the day at the beach, but you feel like you need to clean out the garage instead. If you found out you had just six months to live, would you be saying to yourself, 'I sure wish I'd kept a cleaner garage'? No.You'd be saying, 'I sure wish I'd spent more afternoons on that beautiful beach.'"

Cookie is sharing her "six months to live" wisdom with the others. I'm not sure I agree with her 100%. Why would anything dull but productive get done? But sometimes the "long view" makes for a richer life.

Page 107-8: Can you imagine how humiliated and terrified she must've been? Not all bruises are physical. Matter of fact, some of the worst ones aren't."

Punk is sharing part of Miss Sugar's personal story to Edie and Charly. Punk was easily my favorite character. I agree that some of the worst wounds are in our hearts, minds, and souls.

Page 128: "At our age, there's not much that doesn't look better covered up."

This made me giggle. They're talking about a fellow senior citizen who was out on a boat in a red bikini.

Page 132: I'd have to say I'm the happiest right now. Good food. Good company. Exceptional cat. No more hard decisions to make. No more wondering how it's all gonna turn out. I'm telling you what, youth is overrated. It's nothing but a fishbowl full of question marks. You dive in and start pitchin' 'em over the side one by one as you find the answers, till one day you realize you've finally tossed enough of 'em to see out. I like the clear view from here."

Coco is answering a question from the "Confessions" parlor game book from the 1800s. I like her perspective on now being her happiest time.

Page 162: "I've not been given all the answers, Edie. I would never claim otherwise. But I do know that people can create some impossible choices for themselves because their knowledge is based on what they see or have seen - even what they feel and what they want to believe - but they don't realize how limited their vision is."

Jason was a fairly creepy character to me initially. The way he just showed up, gazed into people's eyes as though he could see their souls, etc. But by the end of the book, his identity is pretty much laid out clearly. I'm not sure about the author's choices with this character . . . I kept picturing the actor from Lucifer, which is probably why I was creeped out.

Page 182-3 . . . there's a lot about the light on the island, the large white pelican, not understanding everything, etc. I thought about putting an image of the pages here, but nah.

Page 193: "Still, I did what I could. Put a hatchet in the attic so we could cut a hole in the roof in case the floods stayed low enough for us to climb up on the roof and stay out of it. Filled up the bathtub with water. Put bat'ries in all the flashlights. Drug Cecil's bass boat around by the front porch and tied it to a post there. Used a long rope so it could rise with the water. Fried some fish for supper."

Never having experienced a hurricane personally, I'm always baffled by people who ignore evacuation warnings. But I suppose if you've weathered one and don't have a safe place to evacuate to (or the money for a hotel room), it's easy to think you can just hunker down. It sounds pretty awful to me. In this scene, Edie is interviewing Camille survivor Nora Gilliam.

Page 222: "Bringing joy and beauty into the world should be enough if that's where your gifts lie. Whatever anybody's gifts are - that's enough. We're enough."

More of Punk's wisdom.

I decided not to blog any more of my post-its. I loved the talk about Grace. God is good!

Home Away from Home

By: Cynthia Lord

Libby ebook 24 chapters plus "about the author"

Published: 2023

Genre: YA realistic fiction

I really like this author, but this title didn't do it for me. There were big themes - change, home, birds, belonging, technology use. For some reason, it felt a little too formulaic to me. It's definitely written for an older elementary school child or a young middle schooler. Mia, the protagonist, is spending time in Maine with her grandma. Mia's mom and boyfriend are finding a new house and selling the one Mia has grown up in. But grandma has a new neighbor and Cayman comes over to spend time with her. Mia is definitely put out.

Chapter 1: Grandma didn't like to plan ahead, so I didn't have a schedule at her house.

Sounds perfect! It's great to do what the day brings for you instead of being heavily scheduled.

Chapter 1: While I was in Maine, vanilla was still my favorite.

 

Mia actually likes chocolate chip ice cream better now, but agrees to vanilla because that was her favorite in kindergarten and she's never told grandma that her tastes have changed. This theme of familiarity and not being truthful come up throughout the story.

Chapter 2: Grandma was the only person I didn't have to share with anyone else. 

I'm not sure why I highlighted this. Joshua is fairly good about "sharing me" with Benjamin, but he definitely prefers full attention.

Chapter 4: I loved them both, and I hated being in the middle. Even though there was nowhere else for me to be.

It saddens me that so many kids have to spend emotional energy making sure their parents are okay in a divorce. Ugh! Mia is aware that she needs to text news to both parents so that one doesn't feel left out or less important. I know that there are kids who are most definitely caught in the middle.

Chapter 6: I turned my phone completely off so it wouldn't distract me anymore.

There are lots and lots of technology "lessons" in this book. Phones are distracting, that's for sure!

Chapter 8: At home, we didn't go to church. But when we visited Grandma, we did. I'd, been to Sunday services, bean suppers, and I'd even been baptized there, though I didn't remember it.

Oh! I'm so glad Grandma took them to church, but sad that it was such a small part of Mia's life (and her parents' lives). How many kids don't have church and faith as part of their lives?

Chapter 9: "It takes a lot to surprise a librarian," Grandma said. "They hear it all."

I love that the librarian was a wonderful resource! And yes, it's wild how much one hears in an information based career.

Chapter 13: I felt awful that I'd caused all this. I wanted to fix things, but I didn't know how to even start. I hadn't meant to, but I'd set something in motion that was gaining speed all on its own now.

Poor Mia! She had posted on the bird website to gain understanding but inadvertently set things in motion that got out of control.

Chapter 14: And just because you've moved in doesn't mean you belong.

Again, this theme is repeated. It refers to Cayman living in the little town in Maine, the gyrfalcon in the cove, Miss Agatha the cat in Grandma's garden, and Mia.

Chapter 16: "But here's something I've learned in life, Mia. You can't always undo that hurt. And not everything can be fixed. But there are always two things you can do."

"What are they?" I asked.

"The first is that you can try to make it right," he said. "You're already doing that by helping her."

"What's the second thing?"

"You can learn from it," he said. "Would you do things differently if it happened again?"

Mia is talking with Warden Cooper, who has come to help rescue the injured bird. Their conversation is another of those big lessons in the book.

Chapter 17: As Grandma always said, the last step of any job is cleaning up.

And that's true, even for mistakes.

I love that Grandma's catch phrase is ingrained in both Mia and Cayman! Cleaning up - definitely an important step in any job.

Chapter 22: Change is always hard in the middle, but you can't skip that part. You have to go through it to come out the other side.

Mia finally gets to the part where she tells Grandma all the things she's been holding in. Besides finally "coming clean," she feels an immense amount of relief in not holding on to this any more.

Chapter 23: Wondering ate away at you. It kept you stuck, spinning like a leaf in a whirlpool, unable to move on.

 

Yes! Resolution is liberating. Sometimes I don't care what the answer is; I just want an answer and to move on. This leaf in a whirlpool image is a good one.

Elantris

By: Brandon Sanderson

Hennepin County Library hardcover 555 pages with lots of extra content

Published: 2005 (this version 2015)

Genre: fantasy

Brandon Sanderson is one of my husband's all-time favorite authors. (I find it ironic that Orson Scott Card is one of mine and both men are Mormons . . . ) He recommended this book as a good "intro" to Sanderson. 

I found it challenging to get into. He uses so many words unique to the setting - sule, Kolo, Dula, rulo, kayana, seon, dorven, odib, gyorn, hroden . . . (I started a list because it was bugging me. Yes, I could figure them out with context clues but it was still irritating. I'd almost rather have been reading German phrases because I could look that up! There was no glossary . . . )

The story focuses on Raoden (Prince of Arelon), Sarene (princess of Teod, Raoden's intended), and Hrathen (Derethi religious leader). I strongly disliked the religious overtones of the story and Hrathen was my least favorite of these three characters.

Page 53: "Your sin was complacency, Arteth. Contentment has destroyed more nations than any army, and it has claimed the souls of more men than even Elantris's heresies."

I'm grinning. After saying I didn't care for the religious overtones, this is my first quotation. Hrathen's comments are true for Christians as well. There are many Scriptures about this topic!

Page 179: "When I first came to Elantris, I saw the children huddled in the shadows, frightened of everything that passed, and I thought of my own little Opais. Something within my heart healed when I began to help them - I gathered them, showed them a little bit of love, and they clung to me. Every one of the men and women you see here left a little child back on the outside."

Karate and Raoden are getting to know one another within the walls of Elantris where disease, suffering, and gangs prosper. I love her comment about helping others bringing healing to her heart. There's a lot of redemption in this story.

Page 277: "We can be strong in the face of kings and priests, my lady," Ashe replied, "but to live is to have worries and uncertainties. Keep them inside, and they will destroy you for certain - leaving behind a person so callused that emotion can find no root in your heart."

Ashe is Sarene's "seon," a magical advisor pulsing light thing. I like the wisdom of this - we all have troubles, but to hold them inside is unhealthy.

Page 286: "Physically inevitable or not, truth stands above all things. It is independent of who has the best army, who can deliver the longest sermons, or even who has the most priests. It can be pushed down, but it will always surface. Truth is the one thing you can never intimidate."

This is what Omin, the head of the Korathi religion in Kae. He is talking with Hrathen. The best part of their conversation is when he asks Hrathen, "What happened to your faith?" This question leads the powerful, determined Derethi to ask some questions of his own. Truth is indeed powerful.

Page 323: The Dula grew increasingly uncomfortable as Raoden spoke. Finally he muttered, "Can a man keep nothing to himself, Raoden? Must you drag everything out of me?"

Ooh! I can be like Raoden in this regard. I want to know answers and I'm not always gracious about boundaries. (I'm pretty sure "Dula" is his nationality?His name is Galladon and he was Raoden's first friend in Elantris.)

Page 324: Galladon smiled slightly. "Definitely not - you optimists just can't understand that a depressed person doesn't want you to try and cheer them up. It makes us sick."

Again, I feel called out. When I first heard the term "toxic positivity," I was horrified. How can being positive be toxic? But I think it comes down to being sensitive to where other people are at emotionally. Sometimes I have to tell myself to be quiet and just listen. Or go away and let people have their time to work through things instead of listening to me chatterbox away . . . 

Page 522: The worst of it was that he still hoped. The light that Raoden had kindled still flickered inside Galladon's chest, no matter how hard he tried to stomp it out.

Hope is so powerful! 

The last twenty pages of the book really brought things together. It was an enjoyable read once I got into it. The epilogue was a good way to wrap it up except the last line, delivered by Sarene. I was going to quote it, but it would definitely be a spoiler, so I'll leave this review here.

The book included a foreword, an introduction, "ars arcanum" ("secret" or "mysterious art"), a list of aons, deleted scenes, and a postscript. This is a book for true fans.

The Artist's Way

By: Julia Cameron

Libby audiobook 10 hours

Read by: Eliza Foss

Published: 1992 (this version 2021?)

Genre: non-fiction, sort of self-help

 

I confess that I did not finish this book . . . partly because of life events, partly because it didn't "speak" to me, and partly because I requested it quite a few months ago and I don't want to wait to get it again (long waiting list!) I enjoyed it but didn't really want to commit to it. Here are the notes I made on the first few chapters.

 

 The Morning Pages

• daily
• 3 pages long hand
• stream of consciousness
• "brain drain"
• nothing too silly, petty, etc.
• just write
• silence your inner censor
• don't skip or skimp
• feed your inner creative child
• fill three pages right away in the morning

 

The Artist's Date

• a time for receiving
• be open to insight or inspiration
• two hour chunks once a week
• preplanned "play date"
• just you and your inner child

She was starting to talk about writing a contract when I stopped listening. I love the morning pages, because I like to write. I liked some of what she was saying about how helpful these things can be, whether you see yourself as an artist or not. The book is really set up to be like an eight (?) week class. I just don't have this as a priority right now.

 

I had to dig through my pile of "recommendations" that I have kept. Lynne Heuton, a quilter friend, recommended this book to me. I used to get rid of the scrap of paper as soon as I requested a book but it bugged me to think "who wanted me to read this?" so now I hang on to them! One day, I'll just get rid of all the scraps of paper, but not today. So many books, so little time . . .  I don't really see Lynne any more, so I can't talk with her about this but that's okay. Perhaps I'll pick this book up in my sixties or seventies and do some introspection.

From the Valley We Rise

By: Elizabeth Musser

Dakota County Library paperback 371 pages plus author's note, acknowledgements, discussion questions, and an excerpt from By Way of the Moonlight

Published: 2025

Genre: Christian historical fiction

Our book club discussed this Monday 9/29 but I've had a very busy week! This book is set in WWII France and focuses on the résistance. Chapters alternate between Isabelle, Réne (her teenage cousin), and Peter (an American chaplain who was in love with Isabelle as a teenager). The book is wonderful and filled with so many messages about forgiveness, doing the right thing, bravery in faith, etc.

Page 38: Yes, God had been a very present help. But it hadn't erased the fear. Or the nightmare. The memory of that incident at once cursed and blessed Peter as he closed his eyes and fought his way back to sleep.

Sometimes we think that having a saving faith in Jesus Christ means we won't struggle, but that just isn't true. The Bible tells us that ". . . In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33b). Peter was tortured by a few memories but kept drawing on his faith.

Page 42: "I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's actually nice for the boys to know that we clergy are human. Makes it easier to relate."

Peter feels bad that he lost his temper on the soccer pitch. This conversation with Rabbi Horowitz goes on and is full of good stuff. The Rabbi asks Peter point blank, "What is so terrible in your past that you cannot forgive yourself, Ginger?" This was a good scene and sets up for the "reveal" later in the book.

Page 59: When she looked unconvinced, he had added, "Remember what Saint Augustine said: 'Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.'"

Isabelle's dad is giving wise advice to his daughter before they embarked upon the task of hiding Jewish children and she has expressed her fear and lack of courage. This is one of my favorite quotes from the book.

Page 64: She fell to her knees and admitted, "I am so mad and heartbroken and afraid, God. And alone. I don't have anyone else to love." You are not alone.

Isabelle has a huge crisis of faith due to the war and the deaths she is experiencing. I love that when she tells God this, she "hears" Him answer. Prayer is powerful!

Page 75 has Delphine and Isabelle talking about the Penitent cliffs, God, the Jewish people, faith, Christians, . . .  I can't just pick out a quote or two. The whole conversation is beautiful and raw. Delphine was my favorite character in the book. Her youthful innocence and yet wise observations were the best parts of the book.

Page 76: "My papa told me, 'Izzie, courage is not the lack of fear; courage is fear that has said its prayers.'"

Again, Isabelle and Delphine are talking. I love this quote and its sentiment!

Page 232 is where we finally find out what horrible thing happened in Kentucky that affected Peter so deeply. I had wondered about it with all the references to it but was glad to be able to read about it. We get more info on it on page 328, but it helps make Peter's character that much more understandable and compassionate. He's telling Isabelle about what happened in that part of the story. Her horror and compassion help bring healing to Peter. Horrible people can destroy others too easily . . . 

Page 248: "Don't cough, don't sneeze, and for heaven's sake, don't laugh," the nurse had warned.

That last command she would obey forever. Isabelle could not imagine ever smiling again, let alone laughing.

The nurse's advice has to do with Isabelle's broken ribs, but the admonishment to not laugh was so sad because she honestly felt that she could never be happy again. The war and the atrocities really wore her spirit down.

Page 264 is where Isabelle is pouring out her heart to Peter as he lay in a coma, only she doesn't realize who he truly is yet. Her honesty about questioning God and even being angry with him is so raw and real.

Page 320: "What is the book of Psalms but one long, groaning, grief-filled complaint. One after another, one long lament. Of course, there are praise psalms too. Thank the Lord, often the lament and praise are in the same psalm."

I just really liked this. Peter is telling Isabelle that "God can take it" when she confesses her anger and blame toward Him for the war and suffering.

Page 321 had the word "imprecatory" in reference to a Psalm and I had to look it up! "Imprecatory" basically means "cursing." The AI that irritates me so much refers to "Imprecatory" describes a prayer that invokes evil or a curse upon one's enemies, often calling for diving judgment and vengeance. The term is most commonly associated with imprecatory psalms in the Bible, such as Psalms 58 and 109, where the psalmist asks God to bring destruction and punishment upon the wicked." I do like learning new words.

 

Page 329: "God will forgive me. It's much easier for me to accept God's forgiveness than to forgive myself. Sometimes . . . sometimes I just try to ignore and forget it."

"I do that too." She gave a timid smile. " I have a hard time forgiving myself also."

 

Peter and Isabelle are having a heart to heart conversation. This resonates with me. Sometimes forgiving oneself is the hardest thing to do.

 

Page  332: "There's good and bad in all of us, Pete. Always remember that. Ain't one of us off the hook. All of us need God's grace."

 

These words of wisdom were from Peter's dad. He's remembering his father's words as he's headed back to the battlefield after recovering from his coma.

 

Page  369: "And then he tells the story of the camp, of building it back, of building back Sisteron, and of a God who will help us build back our lives, no matter what we've been through. He'll hold us fast."

 

The theme of building back was worked throughout this story beautifully. It's referencing Isaiah 61:4

 "They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations."

Musser did a fantastic job with weaving this theme through the story and her characters' lives 

Part I was pages 15-170. Part II was 173-209. Part III was 213-341. Part IV was pages 344-371. The Prologue was before Part I . . . only the separations didn't really make sense to me. I had other post-it notes and thoughts about Rene and his anger, but I was supposed to return this book a week ago so I'm done!

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

By: Barbara Robinson

Libby audiobook 2 hours

Read by: C.J. Critt

Published: 1972 (this version 2018)

Genre: children's humor

I have read this book at least twice before, but have no blog or Excel entry for it! I checked it out for when my six-year-old grandson would be in the car with me. He really seemed to enjoy it. We had some good conversations about how naughty the Herdmans were, what it is like to know Bible stories, and other topics. 

It's a delightful story with a punch behind it! When the narrator describes seeing the Herdmans dressed up as the Holy family and them looking like lost, scared refugees, I started tearing up. The Herdmans playing the wise men bringing a ham to baby Jesus is both funny and hits home a little. (What newborn baby needs myrrh and frankincense?)

All in all, Robinson has created a gem of a story and Critt's vocal work is superb.

A Map to Paradise

By: Susan Meissner

Dakota County Library hardcover 336 pages plus author's note

Published: 2025

Genre: historical fiction

This was an interesting book to read, but I missed the discussion. I've really enjoyed Meissner's writing in the past but she seems to have moved away from Christian fiction and barely acknowledged the Lord. Her author's notes were interesting. She researches well. Despite me not loving this book, I have a lot of post-it notes hanging out of it! I may cull some.

Page 35: "Maybe it was time to gauge her resilience. How did a person know how strong they were if their strength was never tested?"

It's interesting that this is in reference to Eva, but the sentiment could definitely apply to the other main characters Melanie (a blacklisted actress) and June (neighbor caring for reclusive b-i-l). This is an interesting question for me. How strong am I? I've been tested in the past and want to believe I rely on God for strength.

Page 70 has so many interesting clues about Elwood that Eva picks up on . . . I love that she doesn't tell Melanie her suspicions and instead befriends June. An experienced cleaner picks up on details that others would easily miss.

Page 79: "Perhaps because she understood better than anyone that life doesn't always hand a person good options at the same time it is handing them terrible circumstances."

This makes me think of something I often say, "There are always choices." True, but sometimes life gives us various hard choices with no pleasant, easy one.

Page 98 talks about blacklisting and how this went down in the 1950s. I knew this info, but was reminded how awful fear, suspicion, accusations, government strong-arming, etc. can be. Lives were destroyed by McCarthyism. It's hard to believe our current president is trying so hard to be buddies with Communist leaders and yet enacting some of the same strong-arm tactics in our country today.

Page 108: "What they are asking people on that stand is a violation of basic civil rights. Read the First Amendment. We have the right to assemble, the right to discuss political ideas, even if they aren't popular. The right to dissent if we so choose. You want to talk about who is being un-American, it's that committee. They have no legal right to ask what they are asking."

Carson was one of my least favorite characters in the book, but he was the typical wealthy, handsome, self-centered, use-other-people actor. This rant is good, though. He says it in a phone call with Melanie and it obviously doesn't make her feel any better!

Page 256: "A surprise could be both hard and wonderful." 

In general, I only love delightful surprises. When Melanie's brother Alex shows up with his son Nicky, the shock is a bit much. Then Melanie decides to take her nephew to visit her own parents. I can't imagine not hearing from a child in over a decade and then finding out we had a grandchild! That's beyond a surprise.

Page 258: "Because there is no map to paradise."

 

I love seeing where the title comes from within the book. This can be taken literally or figuratively. The fires have made it hard to navigate back to Paradise (Avenue, Street, Road, whatever) but there's no easy way to find the paradise our hearts crave. This is one of the places I think Meissner missed the opportunity to glorify God.

Page 264: "If I've learned anything from these months on the blacklist, it's that it does no good to wish you could change the past. Or the future. It's impossible."

 

 Oh my, regretting or wishing the past were different . . . what a waste of energy! (Been there, done that.)