The Let Them Theory

By: Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins (her daughter)

Libby ebook 20 chapters plus extras

Published: 2024

Genre: self-help, non-fiction (Libby also has the tags "business," "economics," and "self improvement")

 

A friend highly recommended Mel Robbins and so I requested some of her titles via various library systems. The first one I got was High Five from the Scott County Library. I had so many other titles on my reading pile that I loaned it to one of my sisters, who liked it so much she wants to buy a copy!

When I got this on one Libby, I started reading it along with a few other titles. Now it's due in a few hours and I'm only on chapter 7 . . . I may or may not make more progress before returning it.

The 5 Second Rule was published in 2017. 

The High 5 Habit was published in 2021. 

The Let Them Theory was published in 2024.

Mel Robbins has a very interesting personal story, which she shares in various anecdotes to illustrate her points. I sort of want to buy all three of these titles for my sister, but she can buy them if she chooses. For me, although I understand and appreciate the points the author(s) make(s), I do not feel as though these books will enhance my life. Salvation through Jesus Christ and turning my thoughts to Him have done much for my mental health and well-being over the decades. Still, I did highlight some parts that I'll share here. Again, this is just from her most recent book The Let Them Theory.

Introduction: "You'll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own excuses and force yourself to do it."

My struggle is with loved ones who are still "stuck" in lamenting their situation but not yet tired enough of their excuses. Yet I cannot "help" them get to that point.

Chapter 1: "All human beings have a hardwired need for control.

We all have an innate desire to control everything about our lives: out time, our thoughts, our actions, our environment, our plans, our future, our decisions, and our surroundings."

She goes on to talk about how the only thing you CAN control is yourself. When we try to control other people, we're just setting ourselves up for frustration. She does a really nice job of setting up her "Let Them" theory by pointing out that we can deal with the frustrations in life by saying "let them" do . . . whatever. And "let me" . . . choose my reactions, options, etc.

Chapter 2: "And let's be real - control gives us the illusion of safety."

This made me grin. "Illusion" is a good word here. Life is full of risks and dangers. There's really very little that we truly have control over.

Chapter 2: "Any psychologist will tell you, the more you try to control something you can't, the more anxious and stressed out you become."

Amen! It's an exercise in futility and frustration. I'm thankful that I'm not the control freak I was in the late 80s / early 90s. Sometimes God needs to get my attention about what I'm saying / doing in this regard, but I definitely don't get as stressed out as I used to!

Chapter 2: "Let Them dismiss it. Let them go with a different idea. Their response doesn't change the value of your idea. It doesn't change your worth as a contributor. They might have gone with a different strategy, but that doesn't mean yours wasn't a great idea. You're still the same person with the same talents and ability to succeed, and the fact that you had an idea to pitch proves it!"

She's talking about a work environment. I hope younger people are reading this book and applying this theory. Feeling unappreciated at work is a very difficult thing to continue pushing through. This change in attitude can be helpful.

Chapter 3: "You can't control how other adults behave, and stressing about it diminishes your power."

It's funny that I can picture specific people as I'm reading this book. I love being at a place in life where I don't get as stressed out. One biggie is staring me in the face, but it's more complex than Let Them / Let Me. . . . Or is it?

Chapter 3: "When you let the world around you impact your emotional state and peace of mind, you become a prisoner to these external forces."

Oh my word! Our current POTUS is severely impacting many people's peace of mind right now. There is very little I can do to change how he "governs" or who he is as a human being. There are people I care deeply about who are absolutely tormented because of the decisions he's making and the negative impact it has on people all over the world. I care, but I refuse to let my mental health be ruined by Mr. Trump.

Chapter 3: "There's this famous quote about life from Greek philosopher Epictetus, 'It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.' What does that mean? It means that your personal power is in how you react."

This is quite a familiar quotation, but few of us internalize the message. I have choices about how I'll respond to situations. Sometimes my choices are not fantastic, but I have choices.

Chapter 3: "Focusing on what you can't control makes you stressed. Focusing on what you can control makes you powerful."

I love the situation she uses to illustrate this!  A man is hacking and coughing on a crowded flight. After glaring at him, she asks him to cover his mouth when he coughs. When he doesn't, she puts a scarf over her mouth and headphones on to block out the noise. She decides she is the one responsible for her own health and well-being, not some random coughing guy on a flight.

Chapter 4: "Let Me stay engaged and vocal on the issues I care about and do something that can change the future of my local, national, and global politics. Don't sit around and wait for someone else to clean up the mess that you see."

Unlike me, Robbins is very careful to NOT make the specifics of her political leanings apparent. She talks in terms of unrest and divisiveness. What can you do if you care? She's really a very good author.

Chapter 5: "Poet Mary Oliver asked this question in her poem 'The Summer Day'" 'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?'"

 

This is a line my sister loves! She used it in one of her art quilts. I really want her to read this book . . . I think a lot of things will resonate for her.

 

Chapter 5:  "The point here is not to move through life as a selfish or narcissistic person who doesn't care about other people. . . . In life, you don't want to be a doormat, but you also don't want to be an inconsiderate bulldozer. It's a balance." 

That balance is a delicate thing! I may read a bit more before I return this (or let it auto-return in four hours). I only made it a quarter of the way through, and may or may not read the rest sometime. She's quite a good writer and I'm glad she's having so much success with her speaking and her books. It's amusing to me that I highlighted so many passages in a book that I'm saying isn't very applicable to me.