The Choice: Embrace the Possible (A Memoir)

By: Dr. Edith Eva Eger

with Esme' Schwall Weigand

Hennepin County Library hardcover

Published: 2017

Genre: memoir

 

This book was amazing! She has such a powerful story to tell. I had sooooo many post-it notes in this book, but I needed to get it back to the library. There was a waiting list and I sent it home from the lake with my son. Here's a look at what I had to remove:

That's a lot of post-it notes. I grabbed a few screen shots to get at some of what stood out to me.

 

The book had the following parts:

Prison

Escape

Freedom

Healing

 

 

 

Page 19: Maybe every life is a study of the things we don't have but wish we did, and all the things we have but wish we didn't.

It took me many decades to discover that I could come at my life with a different question. Not: Why did I live? But: What is mine to do with the life I've been given?

 

This makes me think of the famous quotation about life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you respond. I just looked it up . . . and it's Charles Swindoll who said 10% and 90% . . . but the idea is the same, right? There's only so much we can control. (Her helplessness in the face of Hitler's and Mengele's evil was out of her control.) But we can all look at what we CAN do. Sometimes there aren't many options. Other times, we think ourselves into a box canyon.

 

 

Page 34: I lean against my mother for comfort. I wish my parents would reach for each other instead of sitting as strangers. My mother doesn't say much. But she doesn't moan either. She doesn't wish to be dead. She simply goes inside herself.

"Dicuka," she says into the dark one night, "listen. We don't know where we're going. We don't know what's going to happen. Just remember, no one can take away from you what you've put in your mind."

 

"Dicuka" is the author's nickname. Her mother lived with the grief of having lost her own mother at a fairly young age. She often tells Edith that it's good she's smart, since she's not pretty. Edith's sister Magda is with her throughout their concentration camp experiences. Their other sister Klara is a talented violinist. Her mother's advice - that they can't take away what's in her mind - is something that she remembers along the way. In this scene, they're crammed into a train car with lots of other people and almost no food and water.

 

Page 38(?): The truth? She looks like a mangy dog. A naked stranger.  . . . any lie would hurt too much and so I must find an impossible answer, a truth that doesn't wound. I gaze into the fierce blue of her eyes and think that even for her to ask the question, "How do I look?" is the bravest thing I've ever heard. There aren't mirrors here. She is asking me to help her find and face herself. And so I tell her the one true thing that's mine to say.

"Your eyes," I tell my sister, "they're so beautiful. I never noticed them when they were covered up by all that hair." It's the first time I see that we have a choice: to pay attention to what we've lost or to pay attention to what we still have.

 

I hate that so many people were treated so poorly during the Holocaust . . . shaving girls bald, having them stand naked in front of leering guards, and so much worse. Reading about this breaks my heart. There are so very many reasons to lose hope, to give up in the face of such a powerful, evil enemy.

 

Her recovery after liberation was another big part of her saga. Her early years in America sound challenging as well. For her to have gone back to school while raising a family and becoming a psychologist . . . well, she was an amazing woman. And she just died a few months ago! How had I never heard of her before? This book is incredible and I would gladly read it again. Even the difficult parts are a reminder about why we can't be complacent about evil dictators. Her story has power. 

Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved

By: Kate Bowler

Libby audiobook 5 hours

Read by the author

Published:  2018

Genre: memoir 

 

This was a very interesting book. I mostly got it because it was an available audiobook with some intriguing themes. From the official blurb: "Kate Bowler is a professor at Duke Divinity School with a modest Christian upbringing, but she specializes in the study of the prosperity gospel, a creed that sees fortune as a blessing from God and misfortune as a mark of God’s disapproval. At thirty-five, everything in her life seems to point toward “blessing.” She is thriving in her job, married to her high school sweetheart, and loves life with her newborn son.

Then she is diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer."

 

I confess that as I was "reading" / listening to the book, I stopped to do a Google search to see if she was alive or dead. That question confirmed, I continued on to hear her perspective. My notes are random, since I was mostly listening while driving.

 

". . . the tyranny of prescriptive joy . . . " made me think of a phrase I've heard about relentless optimism. I'm not sure what the actual phrase is - aggressive optimism? The idea that someone with "positive thoughts" can actually be discouraging to someone in a bad place (mentally, physically, spiritually, etc.) is an important one. I'm trying to be more compassionate, a better listener, but I know that I sometimes miss the mark. 

 

Her litany of how people react to and give advice on her news of colon cancer - ouch! I almost wanted to re-read that section to see how NOT to try to express concern or sympathy! I definitely say things without thinking at times . . . 

 

The idea that a woman's medical concerns are not being taken seriously just makes me so angry! She was given Pepto-Bismol for months when she complained of intense, months-long stomach pain. She had stage IV colon cancer and was given pink crap to drink!

 

There were so many interesting parts of this book that I didn't make notes about. The fact that she had written her thesis (which became her first book) on prosperity preaching . . . and how those people reacted to her cancer . . . very interesting.   

The Codebreaker's Daughter

By: Amy Lynn Green

Hennepin County Library hardcover 371 pages plus author's note and discussion questions

Published: 2025

Genre: Christian historical fiction

 

This was a delightful book set during both WWI and WWII. Lillian (Lily) and her daughter Dinah are the main characters. 

 

Page 38: "War isn't romantic."

 

I loved this curt comment by Lily to young Maud back in 1917. It reminded me of Stephen Crane's Red Badge of Courage.  I think young people are especially prone to having mistaken notions of the heroism, glory, and "romance" of war.

 

Page 42: Lillian tried to work up a convincing smile. "That was . . . thoughtful of you."

 

Oh, my heart went out to her! Her mother-in-law had rearranged her kitchen and done her baking for her! Good intentions but awful results. I don't think I could have forced / faked that smile.

 

Page  67: But sometimes, life was so very far out of one's control, and there was no one to appeal to but God.

 

When Lillian offers to pray for William to get better soon (1944), Elizebeth's heartfelt reaction surprises her. It's interesting how your mindset can change when you become accustomed to turning to the Lord in times of trouble and others are surprised or grateful for the grace that comes with trusting God.

 

Page  77: "On the contrary. I'm a journalist first, Miss Kendall." . . . "As such, I believe truth is the most powerful force on this earth."

 

It was interesting that one of the discussion questions dealt with if the reader would prefer working in the codebreaking unit or the Morale Operations (basically, making up lies that sound realistic to demoralize the enemy troops). Like Mr. Agnew's character, I value truth. So how could he effectively do his job at MO? I liked Mr. Agnew. He was a well-written character.

 

Page 88: Mama's terrors were back again, surfacing, as they often did, in moments of stress or exposure to the unknown.

 

Lily is such a sweet, tortured young woman in 1917. I loved that she had Elizebeth and Margot as friends. I loved that she learned to take deep breaths to calm herself down. I loved that she taught herself to focus. This author did a very nice job dealing with issues of mental illness.

 

Page 127: "You see . . . mental neurosis runs in William's family as well. Two of his brothers have sought treatment for debilitating melancholic moods, with varying success. It's a rather difficult subject, isn't it?"

 

It was great that both Elizebeth and Lily had someone to talk with about their struggles related to living with someone with mental illness.

 

Page 158: "He's a religious fellow - aren't you, Kendall?" the captain asked, a note of derision in his voice. "Can't stomach the idea of lying, or even withholding the truth."

 

I loved this scene! And right from the get-go, I really liked Lieutenant Roger Kendall. What a wonderful man! I'm so glad he and Lily got together.

 

Page 164: "But I guess I'm old-fashioned. My father taught me that when you're not sure what's right, do the most honest thing you can and let God sort out the rest. So that's what I aim to do."

 

I liked that even though Roger's philosophy was "simplistic," it worked well for him. As Lily was tormented by whether or not to tell the Friedmans what she had overheard, Roger was straightforward and unconflicted. (I don't care that that's not a real word. It says what I want to say.) Nice.

 

Page  184: No one glancing at the photograph would realize the rows of students and teachers spelled out a secret message - alternating side and front views of their faces arranged carefully to form, in a bilateral cipher: "Knowledge is power."

 

I love that these smart codebreakers did this! The codes, ciphers, crossword puzzles, . . . I loved it.

 

Page 193: "For the next generation," Elizebeth always said, though Margot insisted the next generation would be so sick of war they wouldn't dream of starting another.

 

That's a lovely idea. I wish we would get sick of war and learn to work together. How sad that so many of those who haven't had to risk their own lives are the ones eager to fight them? I can't imagine having lived during both world wars, especially when so many people called WWI "the war to end all wars."

 

On page 253, when Lily shared (though obliquely) that she had been sterilized at age 14 along with her mother, Roger is horrified that anyone would do that to a child. I loved that he remained 100% on her side. She was so worried that he would reject her because she couldn't have children. (On page 285, we get more info on what happened to her.)

 

Page 267: "But our lives and all of history are made up of small things done by small people."

 

I love that Elizebeth is helping Lillian accept that her role as mother and wife is just as important as a job breaking codes. So many of us feel that our worth is diminished if we aren't doing "big" things.

 

Page  371: The future was a cipher for everyone, really, a jumble of unknowns.

 

Yes! There were a number of places in the book that I thought about the dangers of putting too much trust in our own plans for the future. There are so many unknowns we may face.

 

There were lots of other post-its I decided not to blog about. I liked the character of Winora, though I thought she and Dinah were a bit foolish to play detectives the way they did. I was so glad that Lillian and Dinah finally had a good conversation about their relationship after too many years of strain. I loved Mrs. Agnew and her sneaky way of helping Dinah! This was a delightful book. 

 

Save Me a Seat

By: Sarah Weeks and Gita Varadarajan

Libby audiobook 4 hours

Read by: Vikas Adam and Josh Hurley

Published: 2017

Genre: Juvenile realistic fiction

 

The protagonists Ravi and Joe are fifth graders. Ravi ("Rah-VEE") is newly arrived from India and used to being one of the popular kids. Joe is big, blond, and has APD (auditory processing disorder). It seemed to me that he was a bit autistic. A third child, Dylan Samreen is a bully. Ravi initially admires him and wants to be his friend even though he's an ABCD (American-born Confused Desi - an Indian who's more American). 

 

The vocal work for each character was wonderful. I didn't enjoy this book as much as I typically would have . . . though there were many good qualities about it. The relationships between ten-year-old boys and their parents was interesting. The fact that they are fifth graders and Ravi is not yet interested in girls made me chuckle. (As did the fact that an 11:30am lunch was ridiculously early to Ravi.)

 

Dylan being a bully was hard for me to listen to . . . even though Mr. Barnes had told Joe in fourth grade that "the world is full of Dylan Samreens," (true), it seems that Dylan's treatment of other students was never really addressed. Did the adults in that school not see and understand what was happening? When he yanked out Joe's earbud and crushed it underfoot . . . Joe didn't report him. His calling Joe "Puddy Tat," "Pud," and other names (and other students picking up the nicknames) just because his last name was Sylvester.

 

Honestly, Dylan's awfulness was what I noted the most about this book. Report him! Challenge him! Save evidence! Record incidents! I struggled with his horrible behavior continuing (and the fact that he'd been treating Joe this way since kindergarten . . . heart breaking.)

 

When Ravi finally realized who Dylan really was AND that he himself had been the Dylan of his school in India . . . that was a nice turning point. The observation by Joe that he and Ravi were the zebras and Dylan was the crocodile was nice.

 

The school *would* have contacted Ravi's parents about the injury he got in Phy Ed. If you go to the school nurse with a painful bruise (whether it was an accident or Dylan's abuse), they would have contacted home.

 

I did NOT like how Ravi's grandma kept trashing her daughter-in-law! Her cooking, her parenting, her decisions . . . I get that there's a cultural element here, but it was awful and maybe didn't make a lot of sense in a book for elementary aged children.

 

There was a glossary at the end of the book. Of course, most of the Indian terms were helpful for me to hear (who knew that coriander is dried cilantro? Not me!). But I liked that there was also a glossary of Joe's terms. 

 

 

The Picture of Dorian Gray

By: Oscar Wilde

Libby audiobook 8 hours

Read by: Simon Vance

Published: 2008 (this version)

Also the Libby ebook shared via Project Gutenberg (2010)

Originally published: 1890 (as a novella) / 1891

Genre: Gothic novel, historical fiction now! also a bit paranormal. . .  

 

This is one of those "classic" books I've often seen referenced but wanted to read for myself. I mostly listened (and Vance's vocal work is excellent) but almost wish I'd read all the text. You just get more and different meaning by looking at the words.

 

My initial reaction was that the book was mostly about the artist, Basil Hallward. Then Lord Henry met Dorian Gray and the story just spiraled. Lord Henry's philosophies ran toward the glory of hedonism and his comments on the "hideousness of age" impacted Dorian's sense of self-worth. His beauty was more precious than anything. When Basil presented him with the painting of himself, Dorian wished that he would keep his youthful looks and the portrait would age. Ugh. Deal with the devil . . . 

 

Dorian turns on his young love, Sibyl Vane, when she is so distracted by her love for him. His cruel rejection of her starts his downward trajectory in life. His portrait shows his moral downfall while Dorian stays youthful in appearance for years. Wikipedia has an excellent summary of the story.

 

As I listened / read, I came to see Lord Henry as more and more of a villain. Yes, Dorian is responsible for his own choices, but what an awful "friend" Lord Henry Wotton is! He definitely gave poor advice, always encouraging Dorian to be selfish and wicked.

 

*** Stop Here to Avoid Spoilers!!!***

 

When Dorian runs into Basil before his trip to France, I had hoped that it might be a turning point for the young man. Instead, he ends up murdering his former friend. Then he coerces another former friend into helping him get rid of the body. That friend is later dead from suicide. I actually was glad that Dorian killed himself when he finally tried to stab the picture. His choices led him from one evil to the next. Yuk!

 

I had thought that I might get the movie version to watch after reading the book. The 1945 version interests me . . . but I may just skip it. The love of debauchery isn't really my thing. 

 

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

By: John Gottman

Hennepin County library paperback 284 pages plus index

Published 1999 (this revised, updated edition from 2015)

Genre: non-fiction, relationships, marriage

 

I didn't actually read this book, but I skimmed it. I had heard about it during the Equip conference and contemplated buying it for two nephews who are getting married in 2026. It looks interesting and even valuable for someone interested in enhancing their marriage. 

 

I've decided not to buy copies of it as gifts because I'm not sure if these couples are readers. It's kind of pointless if it isn't used. The seven principles start on chapter four and each of the sections includes questionnaires and activities. 

 

I'm blogging it because then I can do an easy search if I change my mind about buying it. We're celebrating our fortieth wedding anniversary and get along well, so I didn't feel a need to read it carefully. There was a waiting list and I'm still playing catch-up on all my library books. 

The Four Loves

By: C.S. Lewis

Libby audiobook 2 hours

Published: 1960 (this edition 2011)

Genre: non-fiction, theology

 

This was recommended by a speaker at April's Equip conference. I'm a fan of Lewis' writing, so I was curious to "read" it. I loved hearing Lewis read his own work, but I was less thrilled about Chuck Colson's commentary. Whenever I hear his voice, I think of Watergate and people in power who lie and cheat. I know he has his own story and strives to glorify God, but just the sound of his voice is repellent to me.

 

Lewis identifies four different types of love: storge (affection), philia (friendship), eros (romantic), and agape (charity - unconditional "God" love).  I confess I took very few notes, mostly just listening to his voice.

 

storge - (pronounced "store - ghee") - affection, especially between parents and children / family / pets! 

 

I liked his explanation of  "charity" as a kind of love. I love the sound of his voice.

 

At one point, I thought he was being old-fashioned (eros - that's fair), but then he talked about sex and sensuality as different from true eros love. It was fascinating. 

 

Eros - face to face / Philia - side by side

 

philia - NOT homosexuality / Inklings as an example

 

"I do not like Colson's blurbs between the different sections. Am I just too hard-hearted and judgmental?" (one of my notes)

 

philia - talked about less because some people do not experience it!

 

I'm so grateful for all the love in my life - all four types of love! I don't really have anything profound to say about this book, but it was interesting. The fact that he wrote this over sixty years ago and yet it is very much relevant says a lot.

The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith

By: Timothy Keller

personal copy, hardcover, 133 pages plus acknowledgments and notes

Published: 2008

Genre: Non-fiction, Christian faith

 

I'm a big Timothy Keller fan (RIP), but this book has been on my shelf for a while. I really, really enjoyed it. I underlined a LOT, but quickly decided this book is a "keeper," so I don't have too much to blog.

 

In sharing the familiar story of the prodigal son from Luke chapter15, Keller dives in to how BOTH brothers had a wrong relationship with the father. So much is preached about the prodigal son and the father's forgiveness, but less is taught about the elder brother. Keller has something to say about that!

 

I confess, I've always connected with the elder brother's frustration and anger. "I've done the right thing and I've never been celebrated!" That sense of being wronged . . . oh my. Keller really opened my eyes in this book. I love how he teaches and preaches. 

 

I did put one post-it note in place. In chapter 1 within the section titled, "Why People Like Jesus But Not the Church," Keller writes:

 

He is on the side of neither the irreligious nor the religious, but he singles out religious moralism as a particularly deadly spiritual condition.

It is hard for us to realize this today, but when Christianity first arose in the world it was not called a religion. It was the non-religion.

 

There is so much that I have underlined, starred, noted, etc. in this little book. I already look forward to re-reading it! Turning every thought captive to the Lord Jesus Christ and examining my own heart . . . these are things I need to be actively working at.

 

 I loved the reference to Babette's Feast and I'm so glad I've read that story. I love that Jesus and salvation are experiential, material, individual, and communal. (I know that last bit seems contradictory, but it's not!)

 

I highly recommend this book (and am willing to loan out my copy). 

Counting by 7s

By: Holly Goldberg Sloan

Libby audiobook 7 hours

Read by: Robin Miles

Published: 2013

Genre: YA realistic fiction / coming-of-age

 

This book was intriguing! Willow Chance is an extraordinary 12 year old, probably on the autism spectrum as a very high-functioning intellectual. Initially, I wasn't a huge fan. But as we get to know Willow and the people in her world, the big life-changing event and how she navigates it becomes more and more fascinating. Ultimately, I loved this book and would gladly read it again!

 

Dell Duke - the pathetic counselor / therapist hired by the school district to work with at-risk kids

 

Patty Nguyen - manicurist / business owner / mom

 

Mai - Patty's strong teen daughter who loves fashion

 

Quang-ha - Mai's sullen, troublemaker brother who's also a gifted artist

 

Jairo - taxi driver who becomes Willow's friend

 

 Lenore - social worker who's determined but overworked and rules-oriented

 

I don't want to give too much away, but there are so many different themes and ideas in this book: botany, classifying people, living your dreams, belonging, honesty, . . .  

 

I recommend this book but wonder if it would appeal to middle schoolers (presumably the target audience, given the protagonist's age).