Catch-22

by Joseph Heller

paperback 462 pages (not sure where I got it . . . )

Audiobook from Scott County Library 16CDs

Read by Jay O. Sanders

Published: 1955

genre: realistic fiction (historical now - WWII)

Although I despised this book, I forced myself to finish it. Here's what I appreciate about it:

1. It's considered a "classic" work of literature (how something is designated as such is a different discussion) and I try to read at least one each year. Done for 2020.

2. I already understood the gist of "Catch-22" as a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario, but reading the book gave me a deeper understanding of the term. (see passage below)

3. Heller uses language in ways that are not common in much of what I read and I appreciate some of the ways he expresses things. (e.g. in one part, he uses "Saturnalia" and "obstreperous" in the same sentence! I love that.)

Reading about the novel on Wikipedia (after writing the rest of this) helps me understand it a little better, but I definitely don't like it. Also won't read the sequel!

Catch-22:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I  was probably an unsafe driver as I jotted the notes below. I won't provide context or commentary beyond my scraps of paper:

• craziness / nonsensical comments and questions (e.g. "flies in your eyes")
• Doc Daneeka - whiner!
• ugliness of war
• censoring mail recklessly / swearing / Lord's name in vain . . .
• repetition / lots of characters
• ridiculousness . . . a commentary on war?
• abuse of authority / power trips
• Major Major's dad / farmer paid to NOT grow alfalfa
• CID man telling a bunch of guys they're the only one being told he's a CID man
• Washington Irving
• Major Major Major - so sad!
• Loyalty oaths / meanness / exclusion
• Major Mmhm(?) de Coverly - (I had to look in the book. It only had a blank line for the major's first name. The reader read it like "Mmmhmm" . . . )
• What year was this written? What about the Greatest Generation? These guys are awful! What kind of reception did the book get? I will do a little online digging after I finish reading it.
• Yossarian "falls in love" with a LOT of different people! And very easily . . . 
• WHY did Yossarian keep telling McWatt to dive and go back after they had a successful bomb run? Contrary to self-preservation . . . 
• prostitutes in Rome
• non-linear timeline . . . 
• repetition in paragraphs and in stories. Soldier in white in hospital . . . almost the exact same language used. Purpose?
• Anti-God rant. Sad.
• Chaplain - ugh! I hate this book.
• Whitcomb is awful. Chaplain is too weak. Grow a pair! Stand up to him! You're the superior officer.
• dysfunction. evil. self-centeredness. cruelty.
• Milo and his syndicate. Mayor of Palermo. Milo Minderbinder.
• Aarfy bragging about his fraternity gang raping . . . 
• Chaplain's assistant is a surly atheist. Really? You can't request someone else?
• Bordello / naked girls
• How many languages do typical Italians know?
• profiteering / greed
• Milo bombing his own troops (to make more money)
• why would other men agree to this?
• DOUBLESPEAK! Milo is amoral.
• Whitcomb's disrespect, rudeness, and general awfulness . . . ugh.
• I look forward to reading about Catch-22 and context!
• Smack his face! 
• I despise this book.
• Cathcart so obsequious to General Dreedle.
• Extreme misogeny
• "The trouble with you is . . . " used by too many characters to find fault in others!
• swearing / foul
• Doc Daneeka's "death" - ridiculous
• four new 21 year old officers in Yossarian's tent . . . at 28, he's an old veteran.
• Prostitutes . . . abuse. Disgusting, cruel, inhumane, sad.
• I'm just enduring this book . . . CD 13 / 16 . . . 
• Italian - I don't speak or understand it except when it's close to English . . . "idiota" and "Stupido" made sense.
• Nately's whore - his ideals. 
• I love that Heller used the word "transmogrified" in 1955!!! It made me think of Calvin and Hobbes cartoons.
• Wisconsin shingles . . . the chaplain excited that he'd told a lie . . . vice becomes virtue as he rationalizes his choices. 
• No character
• Chapter 35(?) - Yossarian prayed! . . . to Nately.
• Milo selling to Germans . . . 
• I despise Milo, his greed, his selfishness, . . . 
• Yossarian should have flown with Orr! Orr went down and got free . . . with a giggle, I'm sure. 
• Colonel Scheisskopf - no parades. Whining. Pathetic.
• General Peckem - karma when Scheisskopf is promoted . . .
  
• discouraging - lack of concern for life, humanity, doing what's morally right . . . 
• lying, lying, lying
• ego. Greed. selfishness.
• Kid Sampson's death - gruesome. McGann's suicide. This book is bleak!
• context? 
• Chaplain - handwriting. Falsely accused. Not allowed to defend himself. As a reader, I'm frustrated and angry! Heller's intent?
• Eternal City chapter - soldiers pushed girls out into the streets because of "Catch-22" but Yossarian says Catch-22 doesn't even exist.
• prostitution in Rome - not a new issue. This book made me think of the missionaries who spoke at church and asked us to pray for the sexual sin to end.
• Man beating crying dog with a stick while a crowd watches . . . horrors. Comparison to Christ - why? Innocence suffering? Man beating child a few streets over. Crowd watching. Deja vu.
• Yossarian's helplessness and horror.
• Aarfy raped a maid, held her hostage two hours past curfew, then threw her out the window and killed her. And then he rationalized it. Yossarian's anger and shock at him. Then Yossarian is arrested for being in Rome without a pass and the MPs apologize to Aarfy for disturbing him . . . man's inhumanity.

From Wikipedia:

"Catch-22 is a satirical war novel by American author Joseph Heller. He began writing it in 1953; the novel was first published in 1961. Often cited as one of the most significant novels of the twentieth century,^[2] it uses a distinctive non-chronological third-person omniscient narration, describing events from the points of view of different characters. The separate storylines are out of sequence so the timeline develops along with the plot.

The novel is set during World War II, from 1942 to 1944. It mainly follows the life of antihero Captain John Yossarian, a U.S. Army Air Forces B-25 bombardier. Most of the events in the book occur while the fictional 256th US Army Air Squadron is based on the island of Pianosa, in the Mediterranean Sea west of Italy, though it also covers episodes from basic training at Lowry Field in Colorado and Air Corps training at Santa Ana Army Air Base in California. The novel examines the absurdity of war and military life through the experiences of Yossarian and his cohorts, who attempt to maintain their sanity while fulfilling their service requirements so that they may return home.

The book was made into a film adaptation in 1970, directed by Mike Nichols. In 1994, Heller published a sequel to the 1961 novel entitled Closing Time."

 

Yossarian as an "anti-hero" is an interesting designation. Satirical, but not at all funny. Makes me wonder at some of the blurbs promoting the print book:

The Water Keeper

 by Charles Martin

Dakota County Library hardcover 339 pages

genre: Christian fiction

published: 2020

We had a great discussion on Monday night. Charles Martin is a fantastic author! He wrote about human trafficking without it getting graphic or lurid. It was gripping, though, and absolutely intense.

I tabbed a bunch of pages but I don't really feel like enumerating my reactions right now. Perhaps I'll just leave some general feedback and throw away all the post-it notes.

I was surprised and a bit disappointed that the only time I cried was when Gunner went overboard. A dog? That makes me cry but not these young women being victimized? Perhaps it was because I felt as though I got to know and care about Gunner as a character. We don't really get to know Angel, Casey, or the other girls that way. I felt better when Jean (at book club) also said she cried at Gunner parts!

Recurring themes: the needs of the one (sheep) outweigh the needs of the 99, redemption is possible for anyone, water and its properties (cleansing, healing, etc.), human trafficking and slavery, blood, identity, belonging, love, hope, sacrifice.

Martin is absolutely masterful with using the English language effectively. I love how Amanda (book club) said that his words "feel good to (her) brain." I love that Murph had the names of all the girls and women he'd gone looking for tattooed onto his back. He knew their stories and "carried" them with him. In addition to Gunner, I loved Clay!

I loved when Summer was talking about the books she was enjoying. "'There are a lot of women out there who think we're just forever stuck on the island of misfit toys, and yet here's a writer who causes us to think that maybe someone might love us despite the scars and the baggage. Someone who knows what I'm thinking enough to finish my sentences. And what's more, would know how to fix my coffee if we were stranded on an island. Someone who' - she waved her hand through the air in front of her - 'protects me from the world that wants to hurt me.'" 

Oh! I marked page 7 because that was the first place I cried! How does a book suck you in and make you care enough to cry when you're in the fist ten pages?! I guess the Gunner part wasn't the only place I cried.

I liked when I got confirmation about some dots I had connected . . . but don't want to write any spoilers here.

I looked to see if Charles Martin did any interviews or indicated what he thought about the Jeffery Epstein trial, but couldn't find anything. Not that it matters. I just thought about people like that when I read this book - wealthy, evil, using young girls for personal pleasure . . . 

Becoming

 by Michelle Obama

Scott County Library hardcover 421 pages

genre: memoir

Published: 2018

I got the print book (so I could see the pictures) and the audiobook so I could listen while I drove. I read a mix of both and am glad to have finally read this! I have a lot of post-its and scraps of paper so this may be a very random post!

Page 23 - I love how she shares that her dad taught her and her brother Craig "that most people were good people if you just treated them well." She has definitely modeled that behavior herself!

Page 25 - It made me sad that a police officer accused her brother of stealing the bicycle he had been given. That this is a normal fact of life for black children makes me even more sad. (And it hasn't changed in decades . . . ) At least it was a black police officer and not a white one, but still so very sad. I wrote down, "unjust but also unfortunately common," but I don't know who said that.

Page 39 - Systemic racism! Her grandpa and uncles (and many other black men) were unable to join a union and get a good-paying job. They were blocked from doing the things that would allow them to move up - buying homes, sending their children to college, etc. "It pained them, I know, to be cast aside, to be stuck in jobs that they were overqualified for, to watch white people leapfrog past them at work, sometimes training new employees they knew might one day become their bosses. And it bred within each of them at least a basic level of resentment and mistrust: You never quite knew what other folks saw you to be."

Page 68 - I laughed when she wrote about working in a factory as a young woman. ". . . I'd spent the last couple of months working an assembly-line job, operating what was basically an industrial-sized glue gun at a small bookbinding factory in downtown Chicago - a soul-killing routine that went on for eight hours a day, five days a week, and served as possibly the single most reinforcing reminder that going to college was a good idea." This was Louie's experience! He said working in a factory helped his GPA more than anything else.

Page 79 - This was an "oooh" moment for me. "I tried not to feel intimidated when classroom conversation was dominated by male students, which it often was. Hearing them, I realized that they weren't at all smarter than the rest of us. They were simply emboldened, floating on an ancient tide of superiority, buoyed by the fact that history had never told them anything different." That last sentence! Perfection. And thought-provoking. When confidence is a  substitute for ability and knowledge, that's not a good thing.

Page 104 - I like this sentence and can relate to it! When she and Barack left a theatre performance early, she worried about what her co-workers would think. "I cared too much, in general, about finishing what I'd started, about seeing every last little thing through to the absolute heart-stopping end, . . . " Her "box-checker" mentality - I get into that mode, too! I can drive myself crazy thinking I have to do something just because I think I have to do it.

Page 187 - I can't relate to this sentence, but it is well-written and makes me think of people I care about who have struggled with fertility. "It turns out that even two committed go-getters with a deep love and a robust work ethic can't will themselves into being pregnant. Fertility is not something you conquer. Rather maddeningly, there's no straight line between effort and reward."

Page 275 - "Barack was the right person for this moment in history, for a job that was never going to be easy but that had grown, thanks to the financial crisis, exponentially more difficult. I'd been trumpeting it for more than a year and a half now, all over America: My husband was calm and prepared. Complexity didn't scare him. He had a brain capable of sorting through every intricacy." Reading this makes me wish he could have had a third term instead of what we have now . . . 

Page 289 - Oh my word! This section made me love the Bushes even more! (That's one thing I can give Donald Trump credit for - I am even nostalgic for George and Laura Bush.) "Even on the First Lady's side, staffers were putting together contact lists, calendars, and sample correspondence to help me find my footing when it came to the social obligations that came with the title. There was kindness running beneath all of it, a genuine love of country that I will always appreciate and admire." When Michelle came to visit at the White House, Laura Bush took her on a tour. She also invited her to come back with the girls and had her own daughters show them the "fun" parts of living in the White House. I'm so very grateful for the graciousness of the Bushes!

Page 323 - It was and is easy to see how the Obamas feel about one another. "Barack is a good listener, patient and thoughtful. I love how he tips his head back when he laughs. I love the lightness in his eyes, the kindness at his core." It's hard to realize that every decision they made, including a date night in NYC while he was in office, was critically examined and torn to shreds. It's amazing they were able to maintain any sense of normalcy and relationship health in those eight years!

Page 330 - When she decided to focus on healthy eating and exercising, she explains her focus on children. "It's tough and politically difficult to get grown-ups to change their habits. We felt certain we'd stand a better chance if we tried to help kids think differently about food and exercise from an early age." Yes, older doesn't always mean wiser. It can mean stuck in your ways and impervious to change!

Page 354 - Obama tells of a time a mom at her daughters' school asked Malia if she was afraid to play basketball outside on the school courts. How sad AND wonderful that Malia was able to answer, "If you're asking me whether I ponder my death every day, the answer is no." What a weird way to experience childhood and adolescence! With secret service men, strict protocols, and people always wanting to get close to you . . . no fun. I'm glad the woman later wrote a note of apology, realizing that she had put a child on the spot in an unfair manner.

Page 361 - "Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses like these, swapped back and forth and over again." This immediately made me think of some of my amazing girlfriends! We're there for each other! I am blessed.

Page 370 - Ugh. This quote. "'The single most important thing we want to achieve,' the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, had declared to a reporter a year earlier, laying out his party's goals, 'is for President Obama to be a one-term president.' It was that simple. The Republican Congress was devoted to Barack's failure above all else." Wow. This entire passage is hard to read. And her response is, too. "I found it demoralizing, infuriating, sometimes crushing." I'm so glad she took the high road over and over and over. When a politician's goal has nothing to do with what's best for the country or his constituents, that's a problem.

Page 377 - "What a lot of people don't know is that the president sees almost everything, or is at least privy to basically any available information related to the country's well-being. Being a fact guy, Barack always asked for more rather than less. He tried to gather both the widest and the most close-up view of every situation, even when it was bad, so that he could offer a truly informed response. As he saw it, it was part of his responsibility, what he'd been elected to do - to look rather than to look away, to stay upright when the rest of us felt ready to fall down." What a contrast with the current president!

Page 407 - She doesn't say his name, but when she talks about bullying, it's clear. ". . . a man who among other things demeaned minorities and expressed contempt for prisoners of war, challenging the dignity of our country with practically his every utterance. I wanted Americans to understand that words matter - that the hateful language they heard coming from their TVs did not reflect the true spirit of our country and that we could vote against it. It was dignity I wanted to make an appeal for - the idea that as a nation we might hold on to the core thing that had sustained my family, going back generations. Dignity had always gotten us through. It was a choice, and not always an easy one, but the people I respected most in life made it again and again, every single day. . . . When they go low, we go high."

 

Page 408 - Okay, she names him. And adds this perspective: "It was precisely what so many of us hoped our own children would never need to experience, and yet probably would. Dominance, even the threat of it, is a form of dehumanization. It's the ugliest kind of power." 

Page 416 - "I grew up with a disabled dad in a too-small house with not much money in a starting-to-fail neighborhood, and I also grew up surrounded by love and music in a diverse city in a country when an education can take you far. I had nothing or I had everything. It depends on which way you want to tell it." I'm so glad for love and family and respect for humanity. I'm grateful to God for His love, mercy, and grace. I truly don't understand how other Jesus-followers can be fans of President Trump. He seems rather the antithesis of what Christ represents. (Not that the Obamas are model believers . . . but at least they are decent human beings!)

Page 419 - In her epilogue, she writes, "Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there's more growing to be done." The title of her book and her message about who she is are powerful and thoughtful.

Extra car notes:

• ubiquity of smoking in public in the 1980s - I don't think my kids would remember that, but I do.
• 7436 South Euclid Avenue, Chicago - the South Side. I wonder who lives there now.
• Cushing Syndrome / her dad's M.S. - such a young death!
• some of her young mom anguish bugged me . . . "suck it up" is what I wrote. But then I thought about how stressed I got sometimes (and dramatic) . . . I need to have compassion and understanding. Empathy isn't always my strength.
• I am interested in reading Barack's books - Dreams From My Father (1995) and The Audacity of Hope (2006).
• Christmas in Hawaii / Malia's fever / change in flights / missing gun control vote - This was another place where I thought it was obvious that he should fly back and she could stay with his grandma and their little girl in Hawaii. But second-guessing other people's decisions is silly.
• Duh - working mom challenges. It's a real thing. I was raising my kids primarily in the 90s and it was hard to try to be a good mom AND a good employee. This is not a new dynamic.
  
• LOVE the graciousness of the Bush family!!!
• Valerie Jarrett - I'm curious to learn more about her.
  
• 
  

 

<Above published 8.22.20. Below added 5.23.26.>

I re-listened to the book (because I spend so much time in my car and I love the Obamas!) and don't really have much to add to the above.  

 

I did make a note about her "petting zoo" nightmare with big cats on the South Lawn and the tranquilizer dart hitting Sasha. The recurrence of this dream's theme in later passages was meaningful. I was impressed all over again with the dignity, grace, compassion, and humility with which she and President Obama conducted themselves. 

 

Realizing that there are people who dislike the Obamas as much as I dislike DJT has made me ponder things. We all have bias; I just really struggle to understand how people who care about moral choices can possibly pick MAGA over the Obamas' focus on people living good lives. DJT only seems to care about himself and making as much money as possible. And bragging. And lying.

I miss the Obamas. Toward the end of the book, she talks about trying to spend time in the White House with "grace, dignity, and composure." Amen.

Sensible Shoes: A Story About the Spiritual Journey

by Sharon Garlough Brown

Deb T's paperback 343 pages

genre: Christian fiction

Published: 2013

I read this a few weeks ago up at the lake and *loved* it! It was so engaging that I read it in just a few sittings. Four different women are introduced and followed through this story. From the back flap:

Hannah, a pastor who doesn't realize how exhausted she is.

Meg, a widow and recent empty-nester who is haunted by her past.

Mara, a woman who has bounced from relationship to relationship, trying to navigate a difficult marriage.

Charissa, a hard-working graduate student who wants to get things right.

 

None of these women was "me" but all of them had attributes or attitudes I could really relate to. I cared about them and thought about how all of us have our own story, struggles, perceptions, etc. I cried more than once while reading!

 

Page 81 - "'Sailing isn't efficient. That's why I use it for my own spiritual growth and discipline.' He paused. 'For a Type A personality like me, it's hard not to be in control. I much prefer setting a course and getting there without detours or distractions - motoring through life, if you like. So sailing has been good training for me to learn how to be patient, to wait for the wind, and to discern how to set the sails to maximize the wind's power. Even though I have absolutely no control over the wind, I can respond to it if I'm paying attention.'"

 

I think I loved this as much because Louie loves to go sailing as I did because the spiritual parallel is great. I definitely need to pay more attention to the Holy Spirit and stop trying to be in control!

 

Page 91 - "Dawn replied, 'Jesus also said, "You did not choose me, but I chose you." Jesus has chosen you, Mara. You weren't just the leftover God had to take, simply because you were standing there. God didn't choose you out of pity. Jesus really has chosen you to be with him because he loves you and wants to be with you.' Mara's eyes filled with tears, and she looked away. 'The moment you truly believe that,' Dawn said quietly, 'is the moment everything shifts for you.'" 

So many people feel unworthy. And we all are unworthy of God's love, but He loves us anyway! That's what's so amazing about His grace, mercy, and love. It's heartbreaking that so many people just feel sad, bad, and unloved.

 

Page 137 - "'I'm not standing in judgment over you,' he continued. 'I'm not criticizing or condemning you. I only see your struggles because I have the same ones. It's hard for a good rule follower to be converted to grace. There are so many defenses we perfectionists hide behind, especially the impulse to trust our own efforts to live rightly and faithfully. Believe me. I know what it's like to try to add to Christ's work of salvation by striving to be perfect. But God doesn't need you to be good, Charissa. It's not your goodness that saves you. Or your performance. It's grace. All grace. And God wants to soften your heart and open your eyes so that you see how desperately you need that grace.'"

 

Dr. Allen was one of my absolute favorite characters. I wish more teachers, counselors, and pastors had this kind of wisdom and advice!

 

Page 219 - "'I've learned over the past few years how important the body of Christ is. Sounds dumb for a former pastor to say I've only just learned that, but it's true. We can't be lone rangers. You need to be fed, Hannah - not just in the sacred journey group or in your private devotions. You need other believers around you, woshiping with you and encouraging you. The very thing you've been avoiding is exactly what you need. Even if it's a struggle - even if it makes you feel lost and uncomfortable.'" 

 

Dr. Allen again, as Hannah's old friend Nate . . . reconnecting after many years.

 

The other seven post-it notes I stuck in this book mark the different stages of the "Sacred Journey" retreat / workshop these women took. I love how the author brought them together and brought out their unique stories. This book would be a great book club title or even a re-read at some point.

 

Session One: A Path for Prayer (pg. 55) - walking and praying a labyrinth, taking time for prayer, reflection, and listening for God's direction

 

Session Two: Praying with the Word (pg. 102) - Lectio divina (sacred reading) - slow, prayerful digesting of God's Word

 

Session Three: Praying the Examen (pg. 178) - review your day prayerfully, striving to see where God was in each situation, use great list of questions

 

Session Four: Wilderness Prayer (pg. 225) - Read from Genesis 16:7-10 slowly and out loud. Where have you come from? Where are you going?

 

Session Four (2 that day): Praying with Imagination (pg. 242) - Read one of the stories from the gospels and take time to picture it, smell it, hear it. How does it make you feel? Start with Mark 10:46-52

 

Session Five: Self-Examination and Confession (pg. 291) - Read Genesis 3:1-9 slowly and prayerfully. Answer the five questions.

 

Session Six: Rule of Life (pg. 321) - draw nearer to God. Give Him your all.

 

I've grossly simplified these sessions, but that's the gist. I thought about scanning them and including them here, but it's worth re-reading the book. These sessions were only a part of what helped these women to come to a better understanding of God's love for them and how their lives could change for the better with Him.

Of Literature and Lattes

by Katherine Reay
Scott County Library paperback 310 pages
published: 2020
genre: Christian realistic fiction, relationships

Though I like Reay's writing style, this book was a bit of a disappointment. Like The Printed Letter  Bookshop, this title takes place in Winsome and has some of the same characters. There were definitely things I liked about this story - the mother / daughter relationships, the way Ryan and little Becca interacted, Jasper and his perspective on life . . . but I didn't connect strongly with any of the main characters. Alyssa was immature and selfish (though she did grow and change during the story). Jeremy became more interesting as we learned more about his back story, but it felt like too little too late. Janet was definitely a strong center (especially having gotten to know about her in the previous book), but altogether it just wasn't that compelling. We had a great book club discussion last night, though! As always, I love hearing other people's perceptions and thoughts.

Page 49 - "Her daughter's stubbornness had been adorable at two, formidable at twelve, pummeling at eighteen, and arctic at twenty-eight. Now, after three years held hostage in the cold dark, Janet found nothing 'adorable' about blazing eyes and an unyielding spirit. They terrified her. They reminded her of herself."

This struck me because of a phenomenon I've often noticed . . . something that bothers me about another person is exactly a quality that bothers me in myself! Makes me think of specks and logs in people's eyes . . .

Page 57 - "How at ten, fifteen, or even seventeen could he tell them how he 'felt'? He'd had no way to articulate the swirling pressures, colors, emotions, and forces he couldn't separate and understand, much less name."

Yes! It can be hard for *adults* to articulate these things and I think sometimes we expect too much of children to be able to express the emotions and thoughts they're experiencing.

Page 79 - "Last week he'd started to have nightmares about the whole thing."

This is at the end of a paragraph where Pastor Zach is struggling to get to know people's names in his new congregation and worried about doing a good job. This isn't rocket science, but just thinking about the fact that ALL of us can have these concerns is reassuring. I've had many, many, many "school dreams" where it's clear that my subconscious is trying to help me problem-solve some of my concerns.

Page 90 - "Janet felt a snarky You think? rise within her. Her snappy anger still felt like an old comfortable coat she often longed to wear. It was familiar, almost soothing, and for years, she would have let the comment fly and enjoyed the sting it brought . . . "

Wow. It can be hard to change communication patterns for sure! This language is a perfect analogy and I have often failed to bite back comments I KNEW I should not say aloud. I'm so grateful for God's grace and mercy and how he's still continuing to work on me!

Page 169 - "'It's an odd form of pride, you know,' he had said over coffee one day. 'You decide you know better than God and make your own ruling.'"

Seth is pointing out to Janet that her unwillingness to forgive herself for the past is what's causing her trouble. I never used to think about this (unforgiveness toward oneself) as the sin of pride, but that's truly what it is! (Yes, I know "unforgiveness" is not an actual word, but it works for my purposes.)

Page 195 - "'Mothers and daughters. It's a unique and complex relationship. You may never be able to see me in a new way. And I'm sorry for that."

Janet and Alyssa both change and grow in their relationship but it's not easy. Just like real life!

Page 234-237 Margery's funeral and all the bits and pieces to what people said. Lovely. I especially liked what their adopted son Devon shared. And I love that we are adopted children of God!

Page 243 - "In many ways, she admitted, her approach to her mom and their dynamic felt like the old clothes in her closet. Out of date. Out of fashion. But necessary. If she didn't wear them, what would she wear? Who would she be?"

Again, Alyssa changed and grew over the course of the story. Last night, Jes commented that Alyssa seemed to be too old to be reacting in such a juvenile way toward her mom. But thought patterns and communication strategies can have a strong hold on us and be very difficult to change. We had a great conversation about family dynamics!

Page 275 - Yay! Janet finally told Alyssa to stop dumping on her! This scene was long overdue. And a few pages later, Seth basically said the same thing. "She dumps on you - pick either 'she' you want - and you dump on me." Poor Janet! Getting crap from both her daughter and her mother.

Page 281 - "How long would sharing something with Margery be his first reaction? His first desire? He breathed deep and, for the first time in too long, felt true pleasure and peace in the action. Probably until my last breath, he thought."

For anyone who has lost a loved one, that realization that you cannot share, hug, listen, see with that person . . . is hard. The love that George has for his wife doesn't go away just because she is gone. Sharing your life with someone for so many years and having them as your "go to" person . . . is hard. This was a beautiful scene.

In Grandma's Attic: Stories to live, love, laugh & learn by

by Arleta Richardson
from Betty LaMoore's books, paperback 110 pages
published: 1974
genre: short stories, life wisdom, folksy, Christian

This book was in a box I was sorting through. It belonged to my mother-in-law. (The sticker inside the cover had a mailing label with an address on Oregon Avenue in Bloomington . . . which was before I started dating Louie in 1983.)

I decided to read it because it looked interesting. Short little stories told by a grandmother to her granddaughter. In the introduction, the author writes about her grandmother's stories and the time they spent together. What a lovely piece of personal family history this short story collection is!

I especially love that grandma tells about some of the mistakes she made and the forgiveness she experienced from her parents. Her granddaughter learns from the stories, too.

This will go to my sister-in-law now. I'm glad I read it. Fun little book!

The Vanishing

by Jayne Ann Krentz
Scott County Library audiobook 7 CDs
read by Sandra Michelle
genre: mystery paranormal romance
published (book): 2020

The best thing I can say about this book is that listening to the entire thing convinced me to ditch the next two audiobooks I tried after a few chapters that just didn't "speak" to me. I'm still not sure why I finished this entire book when I kept shutting off my car stereo saying "This is so dumb!"

I thought it was going to be more mystery-focused . . . and it ended up being almost exclusively paranormal is normal and hot sex / "true love" between the initially antagonistic leads is inevitable.

My random notes:

• Fog Lake / paranormal / seeing auras 
• Olivia, Catalina - seeing visions
• trust your own intuition 
• Slater Argonbright
• "seeing" after 15 years . . . is that at all plausible? (It strains credulity on so many levels.)
• oracle is the town librarian - smiley face
• Nila Trevalyn aka Alma York
• dangers of lake / fluorescent plants
• sex scenes - yada yada . . . fast forward?

The reader did a decent job. The author is apparently a best-seller with lots of books. Not my cup of tea. At all. I'm sure her target audience loves her, but I'm not interested in trying any of her other titles. 

Oh! Random note I found in my car (and laughed): condom use. At least in the steamy sex scenes, Slater always used a condom. I don't read a lot of "bodice rippers," as one of my professors called them, but there are recurring themes in sex scenes. Most of them do not involve protection of any kind. Kudos to Krentz for including this!

The Kitchen House

by Kathleen Grissom
Scott County Library paperback 365 pages
genre: historical fiction, slavery
published: 2010

Wow! This is another book I got for my sister for her book club. I'm curious and love books, so I read it. Absolutely intense and wonderfully written. I'm going to get Grissom's Glory Over Everything after I've read some of the other books I already have.

Lavinia is a white Irish girl who is purchased as an indentured servant by slaveholder Captain. She was orphaned on the Atlantic crossing and separated from her brother Cardigan (I kept picturing a sweater) upon landing in America. Traumatized, she initially doesn't talk or eat until Mama, one of the slaves, coaxes her to engage. The story follows the lives of Lavinia, the "Big House" family, the slaves, and others through several twists and turns over the following decades. This is an incredible book, so I don't want to include any spoilers. I'll just make note of some of my reactions. (If you want a "pure" reading experience, stop here. Because there ARE some spoilers.)

Page 148 - "Will Stephens had been raised to go to church, and every Sunday he hitched up a wagon inviting as many to ride as could, while others walked the hour's distance. I was beyond envy the first Sunday when I discovered that Beattie and Fanny, accompanied by Ben and Lucy, had been given permission to go with the group from the quarters."

I think I put a post-it here because it was such a bright spot - Lavinia wanting to go to church, Will being kind, the slaves having a different option in their harsh lives. But when Lavinia does get to go, she doesn't understand why she rides next to Will, sits on the bench in church instead of standing in back with her friends, etc. Even in a Christian environment, the slaves were treated as lesser human beings. Humanity can be so awful.

Page 232 - "You must know I care for you. I want you to come with me, Lavinia. I want to marry you."

Ugh! No! First of all, I don't believe that Marshall would ever ask Lavinia to marry him. He's too arrogant and awful to want her - an Irish girl with no family, money, and as a former indentured servant. I just don't believe that. And HOW could she say yes?! She is fond of him, but also knows how he can be . . .

Page 278 - "Mama came back to sit in the chair beside me. She blew her nose before she took my hand. 'There times all we can do is pray to the Lawd,' she said. 'We say, "Lawd, we don't know, but we sure do need some help."'"

Other than the quotation marks getting out of hand in that . . . I loved Mama as a character. I loved her constancy, her calm, her wisdom, her love, her faith. She was a fantastic, amazing woman. (This scene was after Lavinia realized that Marshall was raping and beating Beattie.)

Page 329 - "'Thank you, Papa,' I said. That day, with Papa's words of forgiveness, my obsession for the drug began to recede."

Her use of laudanum as an escape from the horrors of marriage to Marshall and her cluelessness about the impact of her choices on the slaves were a boil that needed to be lanced. I love that forgiveness were such a key part of her willingness to change. I love that Papa George had told her, "We know you do the best you can when it come to Sukey. Now we askin' the Lawd to make you strong again. We here all needin' that.'"

Page 334 - "When Jamie don't come, I think, I got to get over there before Will gets back. I got it in my head that just maybe, if I talk to Marshall, he'll see my way. I'll show Marshall my papers, maybe even tell him the cap'n's my daddy."

THIS! I was picturing the very opening scene where a woman with a green headscarf was hanging, and I was shouting at the book, "No, Belle! Don't go! Marshall will not listen to you! He raped you even though you're his half-sister. He's a drunkard and an awful man! Don't go!" This also made me think (again) - WHY did Marshall's parents allow him to hang out with the overseer Rankin. He was such an evil man. WHY did they allow the tutor to abuse him? That was sick.

Page 353 - "I go to leave, but I hear Mama talking to herself. 'My head feel cold,' she says, patting at her ears and looking lost as a little girl. I take off my own dirty green head scarf and wrap it around her head, then I kiss her and say, 'You stay right here, Mama. I'm coming back for you.'"

Ohhhhh. Oh this made me realize how the author had misled me by that opening scene . . . and wonder if they would really hang Mama. And what would happen to Belle. And it made me reflect on the fact that American slaves really did have horrible things done to them. They had children taken away from them, owners who physically, verbally, and psychologically abused them. They were beaten, starved, and cheated. This was a very heavy book but there were moments of beauty, love, and kindness. It was realistic and gripping and powerful.

Author's Notes - Grissom really did her research. I loved reading about her process of writing this book. She said, "Each day more of the story unfolded, and when I finished, often emotionally spent, I was left to wonder what the following day would bring." Reading it felt a bit like that, too. At times, I had to put it down because it was draining. But SUCH a good book!

A Fragile Hope

by Cynthia Ructi
Hennepin County Library paperback 315 pages
genre: Christian realistic fiction
published: 2011

This was good, not great. We had a delightful book club conversation about it. Basically, Josiah Chamberlain is an author and "marriage expert" who mostly takes his wife for granted. When she lands in the hospital in a coma after a car accident, he struggles with some major confusion and misunderstanding. From the back cover, "Feeling betrayed, confused, and ill-equiped for a crisis this crippling, he reexamines everything he knows about the fragility of hope and the strength of his faith and love."

For not liking it that much, I sure marked a lot of pages. I'll try to be brief.

Page 43 - Made me laugh!
"Son, we'll get through this. Gum?"
Gum? Stan's answer? Your life is falling apart? Here, have a piece of gum. "No thanks."

Page 76 - There are times I wish I could wash my mind out with soap!
Josiah pounded his temples with his fists. Leah's husband died in that accident! And Josiah felt relief? Relief! Was there a way he could wash his mind out with soap?

Page 110 - I'm thankful that I don't often feel this kind of ambivalence, but I recognize this.
Why can't I have one genuine, unadulterated emotion? I can't feel either joy or pain without interference from its opposite. I can't rejoice over a contract without the cement block of guilt and almost laughable inadequacy pulling me under. 

 Page 132 - This is just sad . . .
"His mind scrolled through page after page of text he'd written, tips he'd outlined with memorable titles, sessions with couples he'd felt sorry for, faces of those who'd appeared starved for his wisdom. His pathetic wisdom. . . . . It's not about finding someone to blame.

Page 134 - The whole infertility / adoption conversation! Ouch for any woman who has been in that situation like the character Karin.

Page 138 - This scene wasn't unexpected, but still made me cry. Both Catherine and Stan were amazing characters. And I love this line:
"Josiah sensed his soul would look pale, anemic, if it stood side by side with Stan's."

Page 176 - Another line that jumped out at me.
"Could he wipe out several hundred backed-up emails? He held the current title in destructive tendencies. World-class master at despair, depression, disillusionment, disgust, defeat, delete."
Upon reflection, I probably just like the alliteration. I didn't especially like the character of Josiah or his negative attitude.

Page 197 - Interesting . . .
"Josiah formed the words, 'Can I pray for you?' but swallowed them. It wasn't the kind of thing he had to announce in order for it to work."
I wish we'd talked about this at book club . . . when you ask that question, isn't it partly about inviting the person to open their heart to God's will for them?

Page 216 - Ugh! This part just rang TOO true for anyone who has spent time in an ICU environment. The author nailed it!
"After this long, he knew all the words, could distinguish the variety of beeps and wheezes from the equipment, felt at ease pronouncing the Latin labels for Karin's broken bones, the pharma-cute names of her medicines. He knew which nurses worked casual, which phlebotomists knew what they were doing, which fluorescent light tubes in the hall ceiling had bad baffles. He knew how far the maintenance crew had gotten in converting to LED."

Page 261 - I love Dr. Moore!!!!
"Don't you trust me. Don't trust the surgical team in there." She pointed upward. "You trust the only One who can make a difference for your family. He can pull off rescues beyond our abilities. You hear me?"
And I love the follow-up line:
"Five foot nothing, and she could talk him into believing hope hadn't exhausted itself yet."

Page 265 - Stan is an absolutely amazing man! Josiah clearly had a less than stellar father himself; good thing his father-in-law was a stronger role model.
Where did you go to school to be a father, Stanley Vortman? You graduated with honors, didn't you? 

Page 312 - We had a great discussion about this major plot point in our book club. . . but I don't want to put any spoilers out here. Let's just say that most major relationships miscommunications have TWO participants.

The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane

by Lisa See
Scott County Library hardcover 370 pages
genre: Historical fiction
published: 2017

I got this book for my sister Ann for her book club (Scott County Libraries rock! Hennepin County is a bit more ponderous in this pandemic era.) I decided to read it, too, and I'm glad I did! I've also read her books Shanghai Girls and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. Now I'm curious to read some of her other titles! This lady can write!

Li-yan (known as "Girl") is a member of the Akha people, living in China's mountains and harvesting tea. The book follows her life and the lives of others near to her over the course of a few decades. If you want more info, read here.

Page 136 - "But since our lives are out of alignment with the world, today we must endure a visit from the strangest creatures of all: missionaries. Akhas are taught never to hate, but this particular group of foreigners, who tell us our practices are evil and there is only one god, challenge my patience."

Though it makes me sad to think of Christian missionaries as the "bad guys," I can totally see the culture clash and misunderstandings. I believe missionaries are more sensitive nowadays to how they share the gospel.

Page 158 - Ugh! The horrible things people say to adoptive parents! When Connie Davis writes the letter to her mother and shares some of the questions people have asked her, I knew that the fiction had basis in truth. "'Are you the babysitter?' 'Does this one belong to you? I thought she might be lost.' 'How much did she cost?' 'Is it hard for you to love her when she doesn't look like you?' People can be so cruel and unthinking. But here's what bothers me the most. Haley doesn't yet realize what they're saying, but she will. What will I tell her then? How will I comfort her?"

Page 230 - When Li-Yan and her new husband are in California shopping and eating out: "Wow! I so like this American word. Wow! Wow! Wow!"

That just made me smile.

Page 313 - "How your dad and I felt when we got you. What you meant to us then. What you mean to us now. In the months leading up to the phone call that told us we could come and get you, I did everything I could to understand Chinese culture. I went on a walking tour of Chinatown, I devoured Amy Tan's books, I watched Chinese movies."

Although this is in Haley's essay, it made me think of the fierce love that moms have for their children, whether biological or adoptive. A lot of this book was about motherhood and especially mother-daughter relationships.

Page 353 - "When our noodles arrive, I follow Sean's example and pour steaming tea over my chopsticks and other tableware, then toss the dirty liquid on the ground. The alternative would be the trots or worse. Every pandemic in the history of the world has come from China." (emphasis mine)

This really caught my eye! I don't know if that's a true statement, but coming two years before Covid-19, it definitely jumped out at me when I read it.

Page 368 - This is part of the Acknowledgements, but I wanted to include it. "I am hugely indebted to the writings of Paul W. Lewis, who served as a missionary to the Akha with the American Baptist Foreign Mission Society in Burma from 1947 to 1966. . . "

How interesting that she credits a missionary as a research source.

This was an excellent book!