The Woman at the Well

by Dale Evans Rogers
Hennepin County Library hardcover 191 pages
(copyright 1970!)
genre: autobiography, Christian witness

I don't remember why I requested this book . . . a conversation with someone or a reference in something else I read. I vaguely knew who Dale Evans and Roy Rogers were, but am always curious to learn more. Born in 1912, Frances Octavia Smith eloped at age 14 and got divorced when she was just 16 (and her firstborn was six months old)!

She condenses much of her early life into the first few chapters so that she can focus on her life as a Christian. At times, I loved this book. At other times, I cringed. (Like when she referred to her daughter Robin as a "Mongoloid" . . . even if that's the terminology of the time, I actually had to search it online to ascertain that it referred to Down Syndrome.)

She was an entertainer all her life, and this paragraph on page 48 really caught my eye!

"I worked harder than hard, and things seemed to be OK until I turned down the invitation of a top executive . . . I never meant to insult him, but he took it as a personal affront . . . I had too much pride in accomplishment to buy my way. I did not want to become obligated to anyone, in any way, to further my career. I had promised myself that I would never get trapped in such an involvement. I have always been infuriated with men who used their high position to acquire the scalps of hapless and heedless women. This was one area where I stuck to my guns, and I have never regretted it."

Good for her! What a tough cookie!

I also loved this on page 84: "I am Baptist, Episcopalian, Methodist, Disciples of Christ, Presbyterian! I don't think of the Church as a building or as a denomination; it is a body of believers in Christ - in His birth and Person and ministry, in His Atonement, His Resurrection, His Coming Again to receive us unto Himself. Denominations are fellowships. The Church is His body, and it has many members - not all of which function in exactly the same way. Who is to say that one denomination (or function) is 100 percent right and another 100 percent wrong? God is the judge of all that."

I am so glad that God judges and knows our hearts!

Page 113 horrified me . . . I understand that some people lack the idea of boundaries and compassion with celebrities . . . but to have a carload of fans and autograph seekers show up at her dad's FUNERAL to ask for autographs!?!? That is just horrifying.

That said, I love that she included some photos. They really added to the book. It would have been nice to see even more! (Thanks to Google, I got to see more pictures.)

Page 136-146 was a bit too much for me. I liked an early statement: "It was God who made the races, not man. And nowhere do we hear God saying that He prefers any one race to another." She talks about pride (as in thinking you're better than someone with a different skin color) as a sin and a stench in God's nostrils.

But then she basically says that she's against "intermarriage" of people of different races. As she's going on and on about race and animals and interbreeding, it just gets messy and unpleasant. "Basically I am opposed to such intermarriage, because I know that it seldom works, and that it can have a terrible effect upon the children of such a marriage. And basically I believe that each race has its own beauty and its particular value in God's creation. Would we like our pretty bouquets of many-colored flowers, if they were all red roses, or all yellow, or all white roses?"

She does explain that love is the key component for dealing with differences and conflict, but this chapter went on way too long and was too jarring (especially considering her pride in having adopted two children who were clearly of different ancestry . . . who according to her, should only be allowed to marry men of similar skin color to them?)

There were many places throughout the book where I silently cheered her for sharing her faith and trust in Jesus so boldly! (She died in 2001 at age 88.) There were many great lessons in her life story about relying on the Lord and boldly sharing his love.

 "I have also learned that Satan loves nothing better than a chance to split every Christian fellowship on the face of the earth; he loves to divide and conquer, and we should think twice before helping him do that."

Amen! Unity, love, and faith. The threads of her story are strongly woven.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
loaned to me by my pastor, Jamie Prip
paperback 302 pages
genre: non-fiction, relationships

This book was very interesting and helpful. The family I grew up in did NOT have healthy boundaries. I've gotten a lot better about this, especially with Louie asking me key questions when I'm struggling with some things. I'm glad I read it and I marked a lot of spots!

page 31 - "In the spiritual world, boundaries are just as real, but often harder to see. The goal of this chapter is to help you define your intangible boundaries and to recognize them as an everpresent reality that can increase your love and save your life. In reality, these boundaries define your soul, and they help you to guard it and maintain it (Prov. 4:23)." This came after a comparison to a fence around a physical property.

Ten Laws of Boundaries (starting on page 86):
#1 - The Law of Sowing and Reaping (cause and effect, consequences for choices)
#2 - The Law of Responsibility (loving others AND loving yourself; each person responsible for self)
#3 - The Law of Power (we have power to admit our weaknesses , submit to God, search and ask God, turn from evil, humble self, and seek out people with whom to make amends)
#4 - The Law of Respect (respect other people's boundaries; freedom begets freedom)
#5 - The Law of Motivation (give cheerfully; freedom first and service second)
#6 - The Law of Evaluation (hurt vs. harm; weigh the cost)
#7 - The Law of Proactivity (outgrow tantrums; express frustration without regressing)
#8 - The Law of Envy (question yourself; what is it that you are lacking?)
#9 - The Law of Activity (Take the initiative and actively seek God's will)
#10 - The Law of Exposure (make your boundaries visible and communicated to others)

page 115 - in the section on dealing with myths, this one resonated for me - "If I set boundaries, I will hurt others." The idea of saying "no" even when you *can* say yes is sometimes hard for me. "Boundaries are a defensive tool. . . . Saying no to adults, who are responsible for getting their own needs met, may cause some discomfort . . . . when someone has a valid problem, there are times when we can't sacrifice for some reason or another. . . . we have to allow others to take responsibility for their 'knapsacks' and to look elsewhere to get their needs met." Lots of good stuff in here!

page 132 - I marked this for someone in particular, but don't wish to be unkind. "An adult who does not stand on his own financially is still a child. To be an adults, you must live within your means and pay for your own failures." As I deal with being the executor of my dad's estate and my siblings' situations, I'm not sure how to share this lesson without sounding condescending.

page 133 - This hit more buttons in the "family I grew up in" shirt. In the section subtitled "Three's a Crowd," it says "Dysfunctional families are known for a certain type of boundary problem called triangulation." The authors go on to discuss how this works, with one person talking to a second person about a third person (but not directly to that third person) about what bothers them. The lack of direct communication in the Somers family drives me crazy! I'm guilty of it, too, but trying to get better. Actually, since my dad's death, I feel like we're all getting better about it.

page 159 - in the section on feelings, this reminded me of many conversations I've had lately about my frustrations with the LaMoore family. I feel how I feel, but how am I going to respond? "Feelings are also a warning signal telling us that we need to do something." I need to have a face-to-face meeting with my siblings-in-law!

page 160 - "Limits on what I can give" - this section is one I should probably scan and upload. I struggle with overtaxing myself . . . at work, at home, etc. I take on too much and then get tired, stressed, frustrated, and burned out. I need to make healthier choices. "Problems arise when we blame someone else for our own lack of limits." "We are finite creatures and must give as we 'decide in our heart to give' (2 Cor. 9:7), being aware of when we are giving past the love point to the resentment point."

page 203 - "Work is a spiritual activity. In our work, we are made in the image of God, who is himself a worker, a manager, a creator, a developer, a steward, and a healer. To be a Christian is to be a co-laborer with God in the community of humanity. By giving to others we find true fulfillment. The New Testament teaches that jobs offer more than temporal fulfillment and rewards on earth. Work is the place to develop our character in preparation for the work that we will do forever. With that in mind, let's look at how setting boundaries in the workplace can help us to grow spiritually."

page 205 in the section subtitled "Getting Saddled with another Person's Responsibilities," I put a post-it note with "Gaz." Let's see if I can learn / remember this! "Do not fall into the trap of justifying why you can't do his work for him. . . . . You owe no one an explanation about why you will not do something that is not your responsibility."

page 209 I marked for Ann. It's the section called "Difficult Coworkers." I think I'll just scan it and send it to her.

page 249 - Not sure why I marked this . . . unless the section on "guilt messages" triggered memories of how communication worked in the Somers household I grew up in.

page 265 - Another one I marked for Ann. "Have confidence in your ability to learn."

page 270-1 A section on Guilt . . . a powerful force which dominated much of my young life and lingers even now.

This was a very interesting book. It has given me a lot of food for thought.