By: Ann Voskamp
Hennepin County Library hardcover 227 plus acknowledgements, Bible translations, and notes
Published: 2010
Genre: non-fiction, Christian life
Although a friend recommended this and I mostly really enjoyed it, there were times it seemed too esoteric and poetic. I guess I'm a bit more pragmatic and story-driven than I thought! Overall, it's an amazing book and one worth owning (to spend time with some of the poetic passages and marinate in their meaning).
Page 10: But of those years, I have no memories. They say memory jolts awake with trauma's electricity. That would be the year I turned four. The year when blood pooled and my sister died and I, all of us, snapped shut to grace.
Wow. This caught my attention and raised lots of questions. I liked the ways that Voskamp shared her back story. Her faith journey is deeply intertwined with what she experienced in childhood and adulthood. The thought of being "snapped shut" to grace breaks my heart.
Page 13: "No, I guess not anymore. When Aimee died, I was done with all of that."
This is her dad's response to Ann asking about going to church. Oh, this broke my heart. He also said, "If there really is anybody up there, they sure were asleep at the wheel that day." I can't imagine the trauma of losing a child to a horrible, senseless accident (the little girl was run over by a delivery driver).
Page 15: Ultimately, in his essence, Satan is an ingrate. And he sinks his venom into the heart of Eden. Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave.
The essence of Voskamp's book is the importance of giving thanks to God. She talks extensively of eucharisteo and how both grace and joy are tied up with communion with the Lord.
Page 16: We look and swell with the ache of a broken, battered planet, what we ascribe as the negligent work of an indifferent Creator (if we even think there is one). Do we ever think of this busted-up place as the result of us ingrates, unsatisfied, we who punctured it all with a bite? The fruit's poison has infected the whole of humanity. Me. I say no to what He's given. I thirst for some roborant, some elixir, to relieve the anguish of what I've believed: God isn't good. God doesn't love me.
If I'm ruthlessly honest, I may have said yes to God, yes to Christianity, but really, I have lived the no. I have. Infected by that Eden mouthful, the retina of my soul develops macular holes of blackness. From my own beginning, my sister's death tears a hole in the canvas of the world.
Losses do that. One life-loss can infect the whole of a life. Like a rash that wears through our days, our sight becomes peppered with black voids. Now everywhere we look, we only see all that isn't: holes, lack, deficiency.
I don't know if this is the best example of how her prose can seem more like poetry . . . but I marked it. (I also had to look up "roborant" and found that it's basically a synonym for elixir.) She is unquestionably a talented writer, but I still struggled at times to follow her train of thought.
Page 17: I hunger for filling in a world that is starved.
I think that God places a hunger for Him inside us, to draw us near to Him. This is something that does make sense to me.
Page 21: There's a reason I am not writing the story and God is. He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means.
I don't.
The conversation that Ann has with her brother-in-law John . . . wow. We often try so hard to be in control. But God is the one in charge, not us. He knows what's best; not us.
Page 25: That haunting "C" word, the one with gluttonous belly and serrated teeth and the voracious appetite to divide and dominate. Cancer.
She woke from a nightmare, but the passage that really jumped out to me (in the pics below from pages 26-27) after this was "I want to live. Fully live." I have so many friends who have battled cancer. Her nightmare seemed very believable.
She is so incredibly real and vulnerable here. Although a dream (nightmare), the fear and the experiences of day to day life are relatable. I appreciate her expressive use of language.
Page 29: Obviously, I have no words, no answers. I am groping for my own way. Desperately feeling along today for a way to live through this fleeting blink of a life.
How do we live fully so we are fully ready to die?
Wow. That's a loaded question. She raises a lot of questions with no easy answers. In a way, this would be an amazing book club book except that we would never finish talking about it! Voskamp is trying to find a way to respond to a mother whose 17 year old has been diagnosed with cancer. The idea of living "fully," is interesting to ponder.
Page 47: Gratitude in the midst of death and divorce and debt - that's the language I've got to learn to speak - because that's the kind of life I'm living, the kind I have to solve. If living eucharisteo is the key to unlocking the mystery of life, this I want.
She also quotes Philippians 4:11-12 about being content with whatever one has.
Page 62: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." - J.R.R. Tolkien
For some reason, it really tickled me that she used this quotation from Tolkien. This chapter was on the sanctuary of time. She was washing dishes and saw beauty in the bubbles. "Science may explain mechanics, but how do the eyes of the soul see?" Honestly, from here on out, I just typed in the passages still marked with post-its so I could return the book. Here I am a few days later, adding my commentary.
Page 64: Oh yes, I know you, the busyness of your life leaving little room for the source of your life. . . .God gives us time. And who has time for God?
Which makes no sense.
In Christ, don't we have everlasting existence? Don't Christians have all the time in eternity, life everlasting?
Ooh! I don't struggle with busyness the way I used to . . . but I'm still pretty good at cramming my days full of stuff. And I have definitely lived a life of busyness for most of my adulthood. But how can I have time to play Wordle and other games every day but be too busy for God's Word?
Page 84: Joy is always worth the wait, and fully living worth the believing.
I love living a life of joy! I love the song "The joy of the Lord is my strength." Although I don't always feel joyful, the more I keep my eyes on Jesus and fill my mouth with praises, the more I do experience it.
Page 91: Without God's Word as a lens, the world warps.
As someone who spends too much time on my news feed, this one grabs my attention. I need to be in God's Word and have Scripture printed on my heart and mind.
Page 110: I have to seek God beauty. Because isn't my internal circuitry wired to seek out something worthy of worship? Every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I don't see God, I'll bow down before something else.
The "false idols" aren't always what we think they are. This is a good reminder - who is my master? If it's not the Lord, then it's something or someone of this sinful world.
Page 136: "Son? You can't positive-think your way out of negative feelings. About your brother, about me, about people. Feelings work faster than thoughts; blood runs faster than synapses."
Her frustration with her sons' arguing was another "real" moment. I love that she shares the realities of parenting. If this were a "holier than thou" book, I don't think it could resonate. But Voskamp is very genuine in sharing her own weaknesses and frustrations as well as the power of gratitude to God.
Page 139: But the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is.
I honestly don't know why I included this . . . except that sometimes we don't feel joyful, but seeking God is key.
Page 143:Just trust? When the farm economy is imploding and all around us farming families are losing their land or being buried in loans and debts, us all just hanging on by the skin of the teeth?
Farmers have to deal with so many more pressures than the rest of us. And they provide our food!
Page 143: Always control - pseudopower from the pit. How I refuse to relinquish worry, babe a mother won't forsake, an identity.
Ooh . . . she's awfully hard on herself, but yes, some of us take on worry for things over which we have no control! I've definitely been there.
Page 144 - her childhood (pic of page) I like her autobiographical portions of the book . . .
This is raw and painful. It is something I have not personally experienced, but know others who have struggled with cutting, anxiety, depression . . .
Page 146: If I believe, then I must let go and trust. Why do I stress? Belief in God has to be more than mental assent, more than a cliched exercise in cognition. Even the demons believe (James 2:19). What is saving belief if it isn't the radical dare to wholly trust?
She is both practical and philosophical in this book. She raises excellent questions and wrestles mightily with Truth.
Page 151: This living a lifestyle of intentional gratitude became an unintentional test in the trustworthiness of God - and in counting blessings I stumbled upon the way out of fear.
This is what I love about this book. I briefly thought about doing my own 1,000 things list, but I'm a bit too compulsive and practicing gratitude is an easy exercise for me. It's already become a habit - Praise God! - but I love how her practice transformed her. Later she quotes "Perfect love casts out all fear." (1 John 4:18)
Page 171: To receive God's gifts, to live exalted and joy filled, isn't a function of straining higher, harder, doing more, carrying long the burdens of the super-Pharisees or ultra-saints. Receiving God's gifts is a gentle, simple movement of stooping lower.
She references Jesus washing the disciples' feet. Serving others, stooping lower, is the way to the joy of the Lord. Some of us need to stop striving so much and adopt Jesus' posture!
Page 176: I know it well after a day smattered with rowdiness and worn a bit ragged with bickering, that I may feel disappointment and the despair may flood high, but to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb and these are not mere pulsing emotions. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving.
Love this! Good summation of the whole book.
Page 192: At the last, this is what will determine a fulfilling, meaningful life, a life that, behind all the facades, every one of us longs to live: gratitude for the blessings that expresses itself by becoming the blessing.
This is a goal - becoming the blessing. Sometimes, though, we need to be cognizant of finding rest and refreshment for our own souls.
Page 197: While the Deceiver jockeys to dupe us into thinking otherwise, we who are made in the image of God, being formed into Christ's likeness, our happiness comes, too, not in the having but in the handing over.
God is so good! I love the idea of "handing over" versus "having" for one's self.
Page 202 - panic attacks / flying to Paris alone / musician playing Psalms /
I really did enjoy this book. And I did place a LOT of post-it notes in it. I'm not sure what I wanted to write about this section. Some of her anxiety reminded me of someone else I care about who struggles with anxiety.
Page 223 (afterword): Every breath's a battle between grudgery and gratitude and we must keep thanks on the lips so we can sip from the holy grail of joy.
The battle between "grudgery" and gratitude - made me smile. Sometimes as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), it's easy to feel as though your life is made up of food preparation, cleaning, laundry, etc. Chores and more chores. Her coining of the word "grudgery" I believe is a mix of "grudge" and "drudgery."
I thought Voskamp wrote The Best Yes, but that was Lysa TerKeurst. Although friends raved about that book, it simply didn't speak to me. This one, however, bears a re-read and time to ponder.
