By: Michelle Shocklee
Hennepin County Library hardcover 346 pages plus author's note, acknowledgements, and discussion questions
Published: 2024
Genre: Christian historical fiction
Our book club discussed this last Monday and I am far behind on blogging! I liked this book, but not nearly as much as the other Shocklee title we read and discussed in 2023 (Count the Night by Stars).
This story has Mattie Taylor in the 1960s, opposed to the Vietnam War and estranged from her family after her brother's death in that war. In the 1940s, we have Ava Delaney (it's quickly apparent that she is Mattie's mom) who is a young war widow after her husband Richard was killed at Pearl Harbor.
There were some mysteries, but the book was mostly clear about where the storylines were heading. Mattie (Martha) was pretty unsufferable in her know-it-all attitude and inflexibility to others' perspectives (not just about the war). Ultimately, though, there were enough interesting characters and details to make it a worthwhile read. We had a great discussion at book club.
Page 11: "The remembrance brought a soul-crushing hollowness with it. A deep void I'd endured since the day the telegram arrived, telling us my brother was never coming home. Nothing I'd tried the past year filled it. Drugs and free love masked it for a while. Yoga and Buddhist meditations hinted at peace, but the emptiness was always there. Dark. Dangerous. Pulling me toward a quick end to the pain."
So many people try to cover, hide, escape their emotional pain. Find Jesus! I think of the bumper sticker that says "No Jesus, No peace. Know Jesus, Know peace."
Page 17: "Most of the residents in the tenement were like him - foreigners hoping to improve their lot in life in America, the land of opportunity."
Gunther's story broke my heart. I think it hit me even harder seeing what is happening in America right now. Trump and his followers have that same "us vs. them" mentality about foreigners. I don't think our country is in a better place than in the 1940s regarding immigrants striving for a better life.
Page 22: "Any shred of hope Gunther had held on to since his arrest melted away as he looked across the dark water to the small patch of land where he'd taken his first steps onto American soil."
I cried here. He came to America to get away from the Nazi regime and to study to become a doctor. But because of his country of origin, he was arrested and punished.
Page 24: "The world continued to spin, and life went on, even if I wasn't ready to face it."
It's weird how during a trauma, you realize that other people are just going about their business and living their lives. You feel as though surely the world has stopped, but it's just your own situation.
Page 47: Despite the devastation in my life and in the world around me, I didn't want darkness and despair to win. Hope didn't make any promises, but it offered a glimpse of happiness, the kind I hadn't known in a very long time."
Ava is applying for a job at the base in Tennessee. Being a young widow was bad enough, but having a hostile mother-in-law was just too much. I liked her as a character.
Page 92: I'm not going to quote here. I was just so irritated by Mattie's selfish refusal to consider any opinion other than her own. Her insistence that if her dad really loved her mother, he would do anything and everything to fight the cancer is tone deaf. She wasn't considering what the challenges and pain would be for her mother; she just wanted to save the day and her mother's life. Although I can understand that desire, her selfish refusal to consider her parents' perspective was very immature.
Page 114: "If it were up to me, I'd keep the two of you right here on the farm with me and Dad forever, but I know I can't. That's where trust comes in. I've had to learn to trust that you're in God's hands, and that you'll make good choices according to the things we've taught you. I'll pray for Mark every single day, just as I'll be praying for you while you're in Nashville. But I have to let you both go."
Ava was a wise mom. Of course she wanted to protect Mark from the war and every other danger! She wanted to protect both her children. But she had to let them grow up and make their own decisions.
Page 135: "'Mattie, there comes a time when we have to accept that life and death are not in our hands. We in the medical profession do our best, but we aren't God. If I thought the doctors in Nashville could save your mom, I would've taken her there myself. The best thing you can do now is spend time with her and make her as comfortable as possible.'"
Dr. Monahan was wonderful. I'm glad Mattie finally started listening to someone instead of her own voice.
Page 161: "'You're not a horrible person.' His mouth quirked. 'A bit temperamental and overly sensitive, but not horrible.'"
I loved Nash! He was my favorite character in the 1960s portion of the book. It was nice to have a little comic relief.
Page 185: When Mattie met Fred and started to show some compassion and awareness of other people's experiences and pain . . . it was a relief. I feel as though meeting the injured and depressed soldier was a turning point for her.
Page 227: "'I read an article in a medical journal not long ago about a doctor in Canada who started a therapeutic horseback riding program. If memory serves, his first patient was a woman who is quadriplegic.'"
Yay! I forget sometimes that things were quite different in the 1960s than they are now! This made me want to read about the history of these programs. It also made me think of Laurie Baer's His Haven Ranch. So cool!
Page 249: "Like many people in America, my mother-in-law and housemate passed judgement on thousands of people without knowing anything about them other than they were considered enemies of the United States."
Ugh. Again, just so sad. There are still many people like this.
Page 266: "I didn't know what just happened, but it felt monumental. Like a shift in the galaxy or something. Dad was a man of few words, so to hear him say he was proud of me - especially coming on the heels of his soul-wrenching reminder that I'd abandoned Mama when she needed me the most - completely caught me off guard."
I was so glad that Mattie and her dad were able to connect over the horses and helping wounded veterans.
Page 291: Ava finally confesses her big secret about who fathered Mattie and Mark. It was frustrating that it was such a huge, life-altering secret that was pretty apparent from early on in the book.
Page 292: "With nothing beyond dreary weather, barren landscape, and long boring hours to look forward to day after day, an escape through a good book was much appreciated."
I love that Gunther was able to read and appreciate books, and especially that Ava had given him her copy of a romance novel - I honestly don't remember if it was Pride and Prejudice or another similar title.
Page 306: "'You tried that once.' There was no judgement in his voice. Only compassion and honesty. 'Sometimes we can't run away from the hard things in life.'"
I loved Nash!
Page 316: I cried when Dr. Sonnenberg died. He had been such a wonderful mentor to Gunther. Lost dreams, lost lives.
