By: Peter Mutabazi, with Mark Tabb
Libby ebook 14 chapters plus acknowledgements, notes, and about the author
Published: 2022
Genre: non-fiction, Christian autobiography
This book was amazing! What an incredible story Peter has to tell about his childhood in Uganda, his abusive father, his life as a homeless runaway, and an encounter that changed his life. I loved this book! It's due to autoreturn in five hours and I have a lot of notes in it, so I'll get to it. (Reading through these may give you the feeling you don't need to read the book, but please do! It's incredible.)
Chapter 1: I no longer see myself as useless, worthless, or a burden; although, I do require the occasional reminder. Many of us do.
This was so sad and wise. Having been both verbally and physically abused by his father for the first ten years of his life, then living as a homeless and invisible street kid for another five years, he definitely had a lot of baggage to overcome!
Chapter 1: Before you can be known by others, you have to leave places, patterns, and ideas that lie about and devalue who you are. My hope is that you will find the power within yourself to take that first, brave step.
What a wise man Peter grew up to be! I know his primary audience is kids and adults who have experienced trauma, but he writes in such an accessible way that I think his ideas are applicable to anyone.
Chapter 2: ...she gave me my name when I turned two, because in Uganda you waited to give a child their full name until you were sure they were going to survive.
That is so completely different from the perspective we have in the west. We are so spoiled and blessed and we typically don't even realize or appreciate it!
Chapter 2: We must choose to see others as people doing their best rather than judge them at their worst. Life is hard. We all need to give ourselves, and those around us, a little grace.
Wonderful wisdom. It's so easy to be critical and judgmental . . . and so defeating.
Chapter 3: Something inside me craved to be known more than anything in this world.
I know some introverts would say they prefer to be invisible and NOT noticed, but I think young Peter's desire for recognition and significance is more common. This scene is when he went to his Aunt Maria's house, but later it was a similar situation when he finally left the streets for good.
Chapter 4: People who live in trauma do this all the time. We do or say what people want in the hope that they might give us what we need.
I think of students who are super compliant, nod when asked if they understand, etc. . . . only to realize that they were just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of the actual truth. Frustrating from my end, but helpful to think about coping mechanisms, especially for kids dealing with trauma.
Chapter 4: Rather than judge me for what he saw, he chose to believe that there was something in me that could be nurtured into a better life.
I'm so glad that James asked Peter his name and followed up with telling him he had potential! And then later asking him if he wanted to go to school. What a transformative relationship!
Chapter 4: When life beats people down for too long, they lose hope. They cannot see a way out of their circumstances. They cannot see their own value.
Hopelessness is a painful place to be. I love that James was able to offer Peter a different way of seeing his life and his future.
Chapter 5: I had no idea why they did anything for me, but I wouldn't be here today if they hadn't taken me in gently and with consistency. The greatest gift the school administration, staff, and other students gave me was the gift of patience.
It's wild to think that he didn't even go in to classrooms initially, sitting outside and listening. He was like a wild animal, always ready to eat and to fight. I'm glad he didn't get kicked out of school!
Chapter 5: The truth is trauma's impact lasts much longer than the trauma itself. It shapes you and impacts how you see and interact with the world. Simply removing someone from their source of trauma does not heal the mind, soul, or spirit. In spite of what some believe, love alone does not conquer all.
This is powerful to think about - trauma's impact lasting longer than the trauma itself. I think for those of us who haven't had to recover from trauma, it's easy to think "get over it." Easier said than done!
Chapter 5: Grace is hard to give, especially when we think a person has already been given everything they need to succeed.
Like he wrote in the previous excerpt, removing someone from trauma and giving them food, clothing, etc., is not a magic formula for success. Change is difficult for all of us! Healing from trauma and changing learned behaviors is no piece of cake.
Chapter 5: Life beats up people. When that abuse comes early on, the impact lasts a lifetime. I see this in every foster child who enters my home. They do not know how to receive kindness and lash out instead.
He writes so eloquently about the kids he took into his home, relating to their emotions and state of mind. What an incredible man!
Chapter 6: I started studying, not to become a better student, but to hear words of affirmations from my teachers. I cannot say I craved positive attention as much as I desired food, but it was a close second.
My heart breaks for this teenager who was so horribly beaten down by his father and early life experiences that hearing a positive word from a teacher became a huge motivator.
Chapter 6: When we let our past define us, we shrink back because we feel like we do not fit in or we somehow are not good enough when we have the chance to move forward.
To think that Peter wondered why other kids would even ask him to play soccer with them instead of just jumping up and joining in the fun . . . it's really sad when kids can't just be kids.
Chapter 7: My doubts and fears were completely self-inflicted, but that didn't make them any less real for me. I believed the world operated on a system in which everything came at a price.
He has seriously had some good counseling and changes in his thinking over the years to be this self-aware! Little kids shouldn't have to grow up looking for the angles and what the cost will be to their person if they accept a kindness.
Chapter 7: All through my life, I have struggled in relationships because I have always felt that love is something I must work to receive. If I have to earn love, I can never relax and enjoy it.
I think it's interesting that he is able to foster and love kids with this perspective. He seems to be a very loving person . . .
Chapter 7: My entire life hinges on receiving undeserved kindness, and I want to give what I thought I could never deserve: love without strings. How could I not do the same for children who share a similar experience with me?
As he gets into telling about fostering kids, I love how his heart goes out to them and he offers that unconditional kindness that he so admired in James and family.
Chapter 8: When you have nothing, even a little looks like great wealth.
I think most Americans have an incredibly skewed vision of wealth. If you are comparing yourself to Jeff Bezos, of course you think you're "poor." But if you look at the fact that one-fourth of all humans on the planet don't even have access to drinkable water . . . and 99+% of Americans have a place to sleep each night . . . you realize that we are all pretty darn wealthy.
Chapter 8: James's acts of kindness opened up a new world to me, one that I passed on to my siblings and to my children. The small things that James modeled broke the cycle of what I had known. . . . Everyone deserves to be seen, heard, and known, and when they are, not only their future can change but the world can change as well.
I love that James made a dramatic life-changing difference for Peter and now Peter is impacting even more kids positively! Small acts of kindness . . . recognizing another's humanity. Beautiful!
Chapter 9: All around me I saw the evidence of how when hate fills the heart, anything is possible. There are no limits to the evil human beings can unleash upon one another. I had read about things like the Holocaust in school, but reading about it in a book does not compare to seeing it played out in from of you.
It's wild to me that after his schooling, he went to work helping with aid relief and translating in Rwanda and other places even more war-torn than Uganda. What awful things he witnessed! It's also interesting that he makes the connection between the hatefulness he is seeing and what he harbors in his heart toward his own father.
Chapter 9: I kept my mouth shut except to tell them how sorry I was. People who have lived through trauma desperately need someone who cares enough to listen to their stories, just as James and many of my teachers at Katweha did for me. Hurting people need to be heard. They need to know they are not alone.
Listening. It can be powerful. I'm such a talker; I need to learn to listen more.
Chapter 10: By God's grace, anger and hatred toward my father no longer consumed me.
He has a powerful testimony! I'm so glad that Peter allowed God to change his heart and his perspective.
Chapter 10: Day-to-day life gave me plenty of exercise.
This part made me laugh! His friend Julia invited him to run for fun and for exercise. His initial response was, "If I run, that usually means I'm trying to get away from a wild dog or something that might hurt me." I feel the same way - run for fun? Nah.
Chapter 11: "These people who have so little have to trust God for everything. Their lives are so hard, and yet they still love God. I don't know that I have ever walked by faith like these people do every day. I came here to change their lives, but instead, they have changed mine."
As Peter is taking teams to refugee camps, he's rewarded by people having "aha" moments like this. How rewarding to see the transformation in these people's hearts, heads, and lives. It's on one of these trips that he meets Steven, who invites him to come and study in London.
Chapter 12: People today ask me how I got to where I am now. I look back on this crazy journey, and after all the years of reflection and wrestling, I have only one answer: God.
Glory to God! It's amazing how much has happened in this one person's life.
Chapter 12: "I come from a world of poverty and death, a world filled with people who God loves just as much as he loves Americans. Sometimes it is hard to grasp the vastness of God's love. And it is also hard for us here, in this American academic setting, to remember that simple principles about God's nature and his desire for humanity to live in peace are the questions the rest of the world wants answers for. I hope we never lose sight of that. I came here to understand God's mercy and his grace, his love and his forgiveness. That's what I hope to take back to my country after my time here, and I hope that's what you will inspire your students to strive for."
He was asked to give a speech and he delivered!
Chapter 12: I met children on the streets amid the destruction caused by earthquakes and hurricanes in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, who were far worse off than I had ever been. Those trips changed the way I looked at my past. I thought my life was bad, but compared to the worst of the worst, I was blessed.
His perspective is amazing to me. He truly suffered as a child - hunger, beatings, verbal abuse . . . and he can see that he was well-off compared to other children.
Chapter 12: And that's what made this my dream job. By connecting the haves with the have-nots, I had the privilege of seeing real transformation take place in the lives of both. I could not thing of a better way to invest my time here on earth.
I love that! True fulfillment from doing something significant. And I love that he moves on to another level entirely.
Chapter 13: "There are more churches in America than there are kids in foster care, so the math seems pretty simple on how to solve the problem. Unfortunately, fixing this isn't that easy. That's why my wife and I became foster parents. We had to do something. How could I ask my church members to sponsor vulnerable children in Africa and then ignore those who are right in our own backyard?"
Peter's conversation with Jason Johnson, a young pastor on one of Peter's trips opens Peter's eyes to something he had never considered before. This conversation led to Peter becoming a single foster dad!
Chapter 13: Yet here was a man with a heart for vulnerable and abandoned children who not only talked about doing something but also went beyond sponsoring a child. This child who had no blood connection to him was now his daughter, and not just in name only. He was crazy about this once-abandoned baby girl with the deepest love any father ever had for his child.
Wow. I have so much respect for people who open their homes and their hearts to children who have been abandoned, neglected, abused, . . . I think we're a bit old to start this ourselves, but I definitely love to find ways to help and support others who step up.
Chapter 13: I think if people had to go through the same process to have biological children, the population might drop.
Peter has had to go through interviews, a home study, classes, etc. in order to be considered as a foster parent. I love his observation about requiring the same for biological families!
Chapter 13: Becoming my father was and still is my greatest fear.
This is so heartbreaking. He almost didn't become a foster dad because of this fear. No little boy (or girl) should grow up dreading and despising a parent. But I'm glad that people like Peter can overcome!
Chapter 13: While we are all shaped by our past, none of us are chained to it. None of us are predestined to repeat the mistakes of the generations that came before. We all have a choice about the type of person we will be.
This is so true! Sometimes people wallow in the past and what was done to them and never try to make changes in their life to move forward! We all have choices . . .
Chapter 13: The social worker came over and handed my his paperwork along with a black trash bag filled with his belongings. Sadly, black trash bags are the universal standard luggage for foster children.
This is so sad to me! This isn't the first time I've heard or seen this. I cannot imagine all my worldly possessions being stuck in a black trash bag. How demoralizing.
Chapter 14: I was proud of the fact that I had proved every one of my father's words false, and yet, the power of those words still came back when I least expected it and haunted me. His words have stuck with me for a lifetime.
His dad regularly told little Peter that he was worthless, garbage, would never amount to anything, etc. How awful for any human to receive these messages, but especially a little boy from his father.
Chapter 14: "Peter," he said, you are special, especially to us." No one had ever called me special before. The moment had such an impact on me that when we returned to his home, I went into my room and wrote the word special in a notebook."
I'm so thankful for James! His kindness and positive words helped Peter to start to see himself differently.
Chapter 14: Every single day I make sure my children hear me say to them these words I hope they never forget:
You matter.
You belong.
You are loved.
You are seen.
You are chosen.
You are a gift.
You are not alone.
You are enough.
You are heard.
You are brave.
You are special.
You are known.
These affirmations are powerful! I love this so much. I'm glad he chose to foster and adopt.
Chapter 14: Every child needs to know they are loved and that they belong.
True. The messages our children hear repeatedly are the ones they will internalize. It's important that we choose our messages carefully.
Chapter 14: Everyone can do something.
It's too easy to be apathetic or to look at the large scale of need and just shrug. "What can I do?" is a good starting place. Maybe I won't be the one to foster or adopt, but perhaps there are other ways I can support these kids.
Chapter 14: James saw my potential and offered me a new path. The combination of bravery and love can make all the difference in the world. It did for me. There is a world filled with children waiting for you to make a choice. Their lives will never be the same.
Choose to be brave. Choose to love.
This book had so many highlights in it that I'm seriously thinking I should just buy a print copy and share it with others!
